Goth Darn It!

AMAZING RACE: Well ...careful what you wish for, right? The Goths are gone. I should be happy. I didn't like them. I didn't "get" them. I was scared by their fake eyebrows and crazy, knee-high boots and stuff. Yet, now that they're off the show, I'm left feeling a little goth-less.

Last week I learned, through reader comments and phone calls from friends, that "goth" and "dominatrix" are different things. OK. But I'm still not sure Kynt and Vixxen have done anything for the goth movement and to help preppy guys like me understand what it is, aside from pink wearables and pale faces, that makes a person "goth."

We Race-fans are now left with a horrible father, an argumentative straight-couple, an old-man and his dumb grandson, and two stoners. And here's the problem ...the sinks in my house are draining slow. Oh, yes ...the problem with The Amazing Race ...the arguing-couple are not arguing so much. The Bad-Dad is becoming self-aware of what a jackass he is. You can't root against a 70-year-old man. And TK and Rachel are just cool. Where's the drama? Whom should I hate, now?

CBS has a real issue. They've got (4) like-able couples, now. Sure you could make an argument against Bad-Dad. Don't get me wrong ...he's an idiot ...but Bad-Dad has been getting better. He's quicker to apologize.

Grrr. This sounds like a review written by a family friend of their's. See the dilemna, here? The charm of The Amazing Race and most reality shows is that you have a person or team you're rooting for, and one you're passionately and irrationally rooting against with all your might. I'm not rooting against any of these teams. Couldn't they all just split the $ 1-mil? They're all so gosh-darn easy-going, they just might go for it, yes?

Stringing flowers? Pasting posters to a wall? Rowing boats? Finding bikes? Riding in ultra-lights and looking for clues? Yoga? Flag tossing? Carrying some heavy tanks - and really, how heavy could they be if a chick and a femmy-goth guy could do it? Why don't they all just have a skipping contest next week (judged by the kids from Kid Nation, of course). Come on, CBS!!! You started off great with the donkeys and pole-vaulting ...but now ...its like a family picnic. You wanna get ratings? We need tree-climbing! Meat eating! Baby bird fetuses! Cage fighting! Cave searching! Something! Drama. Tension. Crying. Heart break.

This season is dying on the vine. The couples are boring and so are the tasks. And hasn't The Amazing Race been to India plenty of times, already? I mean, we were teased for next week with TK & Rachel going "off on their own" ...whoa! Slow down! The other racers don't see them for a while. Hooooweeee! That's "amazing!"

No. It isn't. Somebody had better break an arm, wig out and throw money at local merchants, or fist fight, and quick. Tune in next week where, and I wasn't kidding, three teams wonder about the whereabouts of another team.

"To win a million dollars would be, like, frickin' awesome!" -TK

READING: Dave Barry's History of the Millenium (So Far), by Dave Barry. Did I also receive Stephen Colbert's I Am America! (And So Can You) for Christmas? Yes, I did. But it wasn't helping me with my writer's block. Soooo, since I want to be Dave Barry, I thought I'd hit the local library and find his latest book. 40-pages later, I'm inspired. I'm amused. I'm laughing out loud and and pounding on tables.

Did I get that Chuck Norris book from anyone? Or the Cary Grant book I wanted? Did I get anything from DonniEgo fans? Readers? Loved ones? I'm holding a grudge.