Thursday, November 09, 2006


It's a very small world when off-the-wall concepts can sometimes all meet on a single day. Seemingly, my opinion of John Mayer (and my approval of him as an artist), my public voicing of that opinion, and then that opinion being recycled back to me from a random source would be nothing more than coincidence. But what if that opinion changed in an instant? And how does that relate to new towels?

My wife bought new towels and commented on how "soft" they were. I said, "so were our current towels when we bought them two years ago." She says, "no." I say, "yes." We argue. The softness of towels is not a point either of us would ever dream of conceding to the other. Well, we have new towels. They are soft. Like ALL new towels. And the good thing about a blog is that 2 years from now when she insists we get new towels and she lauds how "soft" they are, I will have this permanent record to put in her face. Or maybe she'll put it in mine at the divorce proceedings.

But that's "chicks" for ya. They like new towels and soft sheets and John Mayer. And they don't "get it" that John Mayer, overnight, became cliche. It was cool to like him when no one heard of him. But then when "Your Body is a Wonderland" came out and his concerts got on the list of "good things to do on a date to ensure you get laid," he was over. Done. Then it became cool to flex your manliness and hipness by stating how he "sold out" or he was "pussy music" (and that you never liked him). He's not the first such artist, nor will he be the last.

Remember when the Goo Goo Dolls had some college-campus-cred? And then they wrote a song with lyrics like "And I don't want the world to see me'Cause I don't think that they'd understand".

Translation: "Ooooo. Don't look at me. I'm beautiful and my hair is mussed and I'm crying because ...I ...much ...*sniff*."

I OWNED "A Boy Named Goo" and I probably made public declarations of things like, "The Goo Goo Dolls are really good," and probably made music-snobby comments like, "their sound is tight." I was known to say ridiculous things like that in 1995. Like I had the first damn clue about what a "tight" sound was.

Getting back to Mayer. He went the way of the Goo Goo Dolls. I liked him. Then I realized he was writing songs to get himself laid. I hope to God I didn't make bodacious artistical claims of his greatness and that I didn't compare him to some other legends like Tom Petty or Dave Matthews. Ah, who's kidding ...I probably did.

So, then, "Body is a Wonderland" becomes a hit and I wake up and hear the lyrics... "Swimming a deep sea Of blankets" and "One pair of candy lips and Your bubblegum tongue" ...I'm apt to puke. I get mad that he fooled me. That I bought his CD and now I have to give it to my 14-year-old niece. I can't even sell that crap on eBay, else I have a permanent record that I actually owned "Room for Squares."

I didn't. I bought it for my wife.

Then something happens like today and during a high powered, Trump-like, multi-million dollar sales presentation, a guy from New York City says, "I liked John Mayer back when it was still cool to like him" and the room full of 20somethings break into laughter. I realized then, this is now the accepted fact of John Mayer. He was new and cool ...then lame ...and now its cool to say he's lame.

Here's where I'll blow your mind.

John Mayer knows it.

On this day, this very same day I realized John Mayer is a universal punchline, I randomly get a link to John Mayer's blog from someone who caught me using Borat's "verrrrrr' nice" and called me on my next "Goo Goo Doll-slash-John-Mayer" mistake right as it was happening.

John Mayer says of himself, "just remember: I was truly hip for three weeks back in 2001."

Now I'll have to buy his next CD from his personal website after his record label drops him ...after Jessica Simpson won't take his calls ...after he's relegated to playing 300 seat bars, again. And I'll be to blame, partly. He'll be the current 20something's personal Brian VanderArk.

Here's hoping they all land in a stack of new, soft towels. (I know ...not clever. I tried.)