Thursday, February 28, 2008

American Idol don't live here anymore ...

American Idol don't live here anymore lives at

Go there. Read my articles. You can't shut me up. You just can't.

Also, I talk politics!

Tune into donniego tomorrow for more Guard Talk and a few more misc ramblings.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Ron Burgundy at Michigan State

Hey! It's Thursday. What are you doing checking my blog? Don't you know my 'good stuff' is over at

Well, as long as you're here, enjoy this clip from when FunnyOrDie was at MSU.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

I Hope You Enjoyed President's Day

ACCOMPANYING: Music. Please to enjoy some music from Panic at the Disco as you read this post.

You may notice they've dropped the " ! " from their name. It's true. They also claim their new album to be less "teen angst." Fine with me - just make sure that CD is available on March 25th as you've promised, OK?

DISCOMBOBULATING: The TV Landscape. Network TV has me befuddled and bewildered while cable - and not HBO-style cable - continues to 'wow' me. Sure, American Idol transfixes me twice weekly for an hour, and Thursday is a perfect-storm of TV watching, and maybe its just the Writers Strike hangover I'm feeling, but some of the best shows and specials simply aren't on Fox, NBC, ABC, or CBS right now.

The best new show I'm watching is Breaking Bad AMC. Yes ...AMC. American 'Movie' Classics. The Nickel Guy (aka EJ from spunkybean) is in my corner on this one and I highly recommend you read his reviews here and here - and he raises some interesting points. But, at the very least, if you don't have time for all this reading, make sure you Tivo this show or find it in your channel guide. Each week I'm left feeling sick by the realism they bring to this character and this story, even if the whole thing is completely outrageous.

And while you're at it, Tivo (or start watching via appointment-viewing) Mad Men. Here, again ...AMC. It's amazing that I'm watching original series on AMC while I'm not watching Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader, My Dad is Better than Your Dad, American Gladiators, Deal or No Deal, Moment of Truth, or 1 v. 100. Do the networks actually get pitched these other shows? I'm sure many an article (and likely many a book) has been written on the topic of the declining television landscape, and I'm sure some of my faves like Survivor, The Amazing Race (though it has won Emmy's), and everyone's guiltiest pleasure, American Idol, should be on that list, but I wonder why Breaking Bad and Mad Men could only muster placement on AMC?

Are the networks still skittish about this type of content - crystal meth, extreme grossness, adult themes, and blatant sexism? No ...that can't be ...CSI and Grey's Anatomy have all the grossness and sex covered, so that can't be the reason.

And finally, The History Channel aired one of the coolest specials last night (2 hours worth) called "The History of the Joke" and, unless I don't realize it was aired months or years earlier on network TV or PBS, I again find myself confused. The documentary included interviews with George Carlin, Penn & Teller, Lewis Black, Robin Williams, and some of the biggest names in comedy of the last 30 years. It was great and I wish I could tell you it repeats 14 times before the end of the month, but I don't see it.

The whole point of all of this is to say I'm confused. Either I'm unaware of the fact I'm turning into a grumpy old man and I'm complaining about "the crap on TV" and suddenly I'm watching AMC and The History Channel but justifying it with the fact those networks are now showing good, original shows, or TV really is sucking. My grandfather watched AMC for the old westerns and he didn't like "today's movies" and he watched hours upon hours of The History Channel and Military Channel, mixed in with boxing. Have I just reached the age where I don't 'get' music (which is too loud), I'll stop updating my wardrobe, and use coupons for the missus and I at Denny's? Is that good enough? Maybe old people didn't become old and curmudgeonly, but maybe it just happens to them. Can it be?

Sometimes I think if my 22-year-old-self met my 34-year-old-self, my 22-year-old-self would point and laugh.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Friday Frivolity (+ more Guard Talk)

In case you care, my office is approaching 80 degrees. I have a long sleeve t-shirt on under a long sleeve flannel. I'm suffering, ovah here!

LAUGHING: A friend sent me this picture of the band Styx. What would ever possess them? I do not wonder why Tommy Shaw left the band.ASKING: Have I mentioned I developed a reality show concept with a friend? Well, I have. To date, everyone who's seen the pitch has loved it and thinks it will work, BUT ... we need cash. $20,000-$30,000 from someone to help us shoot the pilot and we're told we'll have no problem selling it. In fact, a Hollywood production company told us the only reason they don't take on our show is because me and my writing partner are "green" and they'd have to devote too many resources to getting our show "off the ground" (Hollywood talk). I'm in the process of further flushing out the script and concept which includes picking a city to shoot in (Seattle), partners for every aspect of the show, and possible underwriters. In the meantime, if you know someone who has extra cash laying around and might possibly put it behind a TV show that *3* experts feel "has legs" please have them contact me.

CONCLUDING: This post. But not before the very latest from my brother and his rent-a-cop. One of my readers has decided he'd like to put in an application and work with this guy just to experience this for himself.

The DonniEgo Community Theatre Players
The Crazy Conversation V & VI:

G= The Security Guard; B = My Brother;

G: Hey, DonniEgo's Brother*, check this out. It will blow your mind.
D: Huh?
G: Okay, I got this letter in the mail from Verizon Wireless. I don't know if you know Verizon but they are a pretty reputable company.
D: Yeh. (My brother swears he never answers 'G' with more than 1 to 3 words at a time)
G: Well, I got this letter and the envelope has one of those yellow change of address labels on it saying that this is the new address for this bill. Now, I have never had an account with Verizon and this bill says I owe $1500. (My brother makes no reaction) I know! That is what I thought. This is crazy. I called this number and told them that I do not have an account and the name 'LC Cole' was not me. I asked them is that the name on the account or is that a business. They told me that was the name and I told them again that it was not me and I had no account to my address. They told me to just void it and disrguard any further mailings pertaining to this account.
D: Okay.
G: Yeah. I have lived in my house for 21 years and have never lived anywhere else. There was a guy that lived next door for a while, you know, and old guy. He never did very much and went on vacation a couple times a year but that is all. I was just wondering how they got my address on their system and why it was coming to me. You know, you have to be careful with ID theft. People are checking dumpsters and trash cans for info on you. I hope when you are disposing of anything you need, shred it first cuz that is all they need to get you. ID and ruin your credit.
D: Right.
G: LC Cole? That name doesn't sound familiar. Sounds like an Arabic name from Dearborn or something. DonniEgo's Brother*, you have to be very careful about ID fraud and make sure you don't let anything slip. Unless you have something-something that protects your ID. But otherwise you are in danger
(My brother knods and walks away as if he just thought of something important to do)

* The Rent-a-Cop doesn't actually call my brother 'DonniEgo's Brother'

Sorry to have blown your mind like this so late on a Friday. Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

spunkiddy Doo Dah Day!

By now, you've no doubt gotten my plea to read my stuff on spunkybean.

SHARING: This link to this blog entry. As I commented there, seeing the cast of Family Ties back together almost makes my heart hurt ...just a little. I was 12 or 13 years old during Family Ties's heyday and my brother and I absolutely LOVED this show. Not for Michael J. Fox, mind you, but for Michael Gross who we consider the greatest sitcom Dad of all time. Yes, better than Andy Griffith or Mike Brady. Also, he was the funniest guy on the show and his magic moments are still quoted and mimicked by my bro and I to this day. I think we sang "Down By The Old Mill Stream" to our babies to calm them (possibly with us in the bedroom and the cradle in the hall).

READYING: A night of great TV. I got Jericho Tivo'd from last night and tonight The Daily Show and The Colbert Report will be back, now with 100% more writing!!! As will Late Night with Conan O'Brien - which I won't watch until tomorrow, but still.

BRAGGING: Thanks to you, my loyal readers, and to those who forward my American Idol write-ups onto others, I was asked by a radio station in a Top-75 market to do their morning American Idol report. Sooooo ...not only am I a world-famous blogger and web columnist, I'm now an on-air personality. Look'ee me!!!

Monday, February 11, 2008

Time to Call it a Day

RELAYING: A friend of mine was sitting in the Las Vegas airport trying to catch an early flight home and heard the following:
"Attention to the man who left his false teeth and hearing aid in the bathroom. IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, please return to pick up your property."
Too good not to share.

OBSERVING: As if Will Ferrel, Nick Swardson, and Demetri Martin weren't hysterically funny and cool already, they are hitting the road and college campuses in order to promote this website and their movie projects. They visited my Alma Mater, Michigan State, this past weekend and I'm bummed I didn't know about the show in advance - I would have totally gone. Details of the show are sketchy (pun), but I'm sure it was a blast.

CREATING: A account. It's like Facebook, MySpace, or YouTube, I guess, but for comedy and comedians. Perfect. Now I just have to be funny.

BEANING: spunkybean continues to happen. We're bringing on writers, finding our niche, and Ben Cossar and I are going to tweak the site just a bit so you all can find stuff easier and share stuff easier with other people ...because I'm sure you are talking about the site and the clever stuff there all the time, right? Don't tell me if you aren't fragile ego can't take it.

SNAKING: My drains. I'm lucky to have the pleasure of buying a 'snake' and clearing out clogs in two drains at my house, this evening. I've heard from people who've done this that its quite likely I'll pull my soul and/or deepest fears from deep in the nether regions of my home's drains. Like a really hairy, soap scummy version of a Ouigi Board. I may 'find myself' tonight ...or just be disgusted.

More Security Guard

My brother worked an all night shift and got two new little nuggets of Security Guard brilliance. I almost want to apply for a job there just to experience this, first hand. Also new this time was the inclusion of the person working the Customer Service desk.
The DonniEgo Community Theatre Players
The Crazy Conversation III & IV:

G= The Security Guard; B = My Brother;
D = Customer Service Desk Worker

G: Hey. This sign says 'Tosti Gold' and we don't have any on this display (guard hands sign to my brother).
B: Oh.
G: I know that one of the night crew guys hit this display about 10:30 or 10:45. That might have been the Tosti that he damaged. I think there were about 8 or 9 bottles.
D: Okay. Maybe.
G: Yeah... you seem to be selling this wine a little bit.

(later that evening)

G: (guard enters my brother's office) I'm gonna need these tonight (guard holds up a pair of gloves he just purchased). It is gonna get cold.
B: Oh.
G: Yep. They are a perfect fit. I like these. I don't like leather. I had leather once. I like cloth. Very durable, and washable. Yeh. These will work.

On his way out of the office the guard caught the ear of one of the girls at the service desk...

G: This song is okay (commenting on the Musak system).
D: What?
G: You know music was an early form of communication?
D: What?
G: Early communication was through song. Give me some HARD ROCK!!! That's how I like to communicate is with HARD ROCK!!!!!

Friday, February 08, 2008

Freakin' Out

Ok, not really freakin' out. But, well, kinda.

FREAKIN': I just read an article that quoted Michael Eisner and he said the Writer's Strike is over. I'm not linking the article, but 'search' "writer's strike update" and I'm sure you'll find it.

FREAKIN' 2 (Electric Boogaloo): Lost. As if it could get any better, it goes and gets better. It heightens, it adds new characters, it introduces the possibility of time travel, meta physics, and talking to dead people ...and I don't bat an eye. 2 shows down, 6 to go in this strike-shortened season, but I'm currently living solely for Thursdays. Are you a casual fan? Shame!!! Go to spunkybean right now and read EJ's (formerly known as The Nickel Guy) recap of last night's show. Read my comments ...leave your own comments. Come on, people me make spunkybean like a real website. I can't do it without you. I love you. Your hair looks GREAT, today. You've done something different, haven't you? Well ...I love it. Go to spunkybean.

FREAKIN' 3: Just heard on the radio that Scott Weiland is getting back together with his Stone Temple Pilots band mates for a possible summer tour and, well, they won't say any new songs or a new albums, but a boy can dream. How ...FREAKIN' ...AWESOME!!! Right?

'Tis all.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Why, Thursday, Must You Torture Me?

FRETTING: It's bowling night. It's Lost night. It's Survivor night. It's Celebrity Apprentice night. Don't get me wrong, its a GREAT night, but there's simply not enough time to do all the things I love.

What worries me even more is if the Writers Strike settles soon. Why do the networks neglect the other nights of the week? Its quite annoying.

I don't get home from bowling until around 10, and then I feel obligated to watch it all. If the Writers settle, then what? I'll suddenly have Mad Men, The Office, and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia added to the bill, not to mention Colbert and The Daily Show... and I know I should be watching 30 Rock and I'm going to start losing friendships if I don't get a Season Pass for this, soon.

That's 6 1/2 hours of TV (5 1/2 with Tivo compression) in one night! Insane. Haven't the networks ever heard of, oh, say, 'Monday?'

SEETHING: Oh, also, I learned today that simply hearing Lou Graham's voice (lead singer, Foreigner) makes me want to punch him.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Hey, Don! Where've Ya Been?

Great question. Sick, busy, writing, and other stuff. I had the worst cold I've had in half-a-decade last week, I met with a producer to talk about my TV show (a good meeting, btw), I've been busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking competition at work, and probably a half-dozen other excuses, too.

Today, however, begins Lent, and my Lenten promise will be to write in my blog every ding dang day. Even if just to tell the world that I forgot to shave or watched a funny video on YouTube, you'll have something to read.

Thanks to all who do read my stuff here, and also who've made the jump to the 'bean.

POLITICKING: I heard Denise Kucinich on the radio this morning. What a solid, solid dude. This interview, coupled with his numerous appearances on The Colbert Report and his seemingly genuine love of this country makes me a fan. Big fan.

ANTICIPATING: This week's Lost. If American Idol ain't yer thing and you ain't readin' my famous spunkybean recaps, well, be sure to read EJ's Lost recaps (posted Fridays). Read them. Love them. Quiz your spouse. Forward the article to friends and family far and wide. Do it. Not because you love me, but because you love Lost. This week on Lost a new set of "others" arrives on the island. So, there's "others" and "other others" and I'll bet we'll meet some other others, too.

ANTICIPATING, PART II: spunkybean-dot-com ...THE WEBSITE. A real, live, grown-up website. You've got to see it. You'll think I'm big timey and all. You'll envy me. You will ...admit it. Wait 'til you see it. Just wait. To you, it'll look like a hundred other websites you already enjoy me'll look like the child I never had. Yes. I was intent on naming my next child "spunkybean."

BRAGGING: I have a new nephew 12th nephew to go against 8 nieces. It's awesome. He's awesome. I'm happy for my bro and sis-in-law. His name is Spencer. Cool name, huh?

BEGGING: You to stick with me and my American Idol write-ups. These early episodes ...well ...nothing's going on. My superior musical knowledge, opinions, and shtick will really shine in about two weeks. Shine like Paula's greasy, hangover skin, it will.

REOORGANIZING: My Netflix queue. The Beastie Boys recently shot a documentary called Awesome: I F**in' Shot That. For all I know this came out years ago, but because I'm just hearing about it now, I'm calling it "new" and can't wait to watch-hate Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer, and get my Beastie fix.

RUMINATING: I'm going from one nationwide competition to pick one winner, to another - American politics. My new feature on spunkybean will be called Survivor: Washington, D.C., and it will track the craziness that is politicking, punditry, and drama that, I believe, is our original reality show. Again, my first article hit the web yesterday and I'll be back each Tuesday to act apathetic, disinterested, and annoyed by the whole process. Please to enjoy. Between you and me, I really want it to be clever and land me a gig at The Daily Show. Free spunkybean t-shirt for the first person who can prove which way I lean politically and can prove it by something I've written.