Monday, December 31, 2007

Goth Darn It!

AMAZING RACE: Well ...careful what you wish for, right? The Goths are gone. I should be happy. I didn't like them. I didn't "get" them. I was scared by their fake eyebrows and crazy, knee-high boots and stuff. Yet, now that they're off the show, I'm left feeling a little goth-less.

Last week I learned, through reader comments and phone calls from friends, that "goth" and "dominatrix" are different things. OK. But I'm still not sure Kynt and Vixxen have done anything for the goth movement and to help preppy guys like me understand what it is, aside from pink wearables and pale faces, that makes a person "goth."

We Race-fans are now left with a horrible father, an argumentative straight-couple, an old-man and his dumb grandson, and two stoners. And here's the problem ...the sinks in my house are draining slow. Oh, yes ...the problem with The Amazing Race ...the arguing-couple are not arguing so much. The Bad-Dad is becoming self-aware of what a jackass he is. You can't root against a 70-year-old man. And TK and Rachel are just cool. Where's the drama? Whom should I hate, now?

CBS has a real issue. They've got (4) like-able couples, now. Sure you could make an argument against Bad-Dad. Don't get me wrong ...he's an idiot ...but Bad-Dad has been getting better. He's quicker to apologize.

Grrr. This sounds like a review written by a family friend of their's. See the dilemna, here? The charm of The Amazing Race and most reality shows is that you have a person or team you're rooting for, and one you're passionately and irrationally rooting against with all your might. I'm not rooting against any of these teams. Couldn't they all just split the $ 1-mil? They're all so gosh-darn easy-going, they just might go for it, yes?

Stringing flowers? Pasting posters to a wall? Rowing boats? Finding bikes? Riding in ultra-lights and looking for clues? Yoga? Flag tossing? Carrying some heavy tanks - and really, how heavy could they be if a chick and a femmy-goth guy could do it? Why don't they all just have a skipping contest next week (judged by the kids from Kid Nation, of course). Come on, CBS!!! You started off great with the donkeys and pole-vaulting ...but now ...its like a family picnic. You wanna get ratings? We need tree-climbing! Meat eating! Baby bird fetuses! Cage fighting! Cave searching! Something! Drama. Tension. Crying. Heart break.

This season is dying on the vine. The couples are boring and so are the tasks. And hasn't The Amazing Race been to India plenty of times, already? I mean, we were teased for next week with TK & Rachel going "off on their own" ...whoa! Slow down! The other racers don't see them for a while. Hooooweeee! That's "amazing!"

No. It isn't. Somebody had better break an arm, wig out and throw money at local merchants, or fist fight, and quick. Tune in next week where, and I wasn't kidding, three teams wonder about the whereabouts of another team.
"To win a million dollars would be, like, frickin' awesome!" -TK
READING: Dave Barry's History of the Millenium (So Far), by Dave Barry. Did I also receive Stephen Colbert's I Am America! (And So Can You) for Christmas? Yes, I did. But it wasn't helping me with my writer's block. Soooo, since I want to be Dave Barry, I thought I'd hit the local library and find his latest book. 40-pages later, I'm inspired. I'm amused. I'm laughing out loud and and pounding on tables.

Did I get that Chuck Norris book from anyone? Or the Cary Grant book I wanted? Did I get anything from DonniEgo fans? Readers? Loved ones? I'm holding a grudge.

Sunday, December 30, 2007


DISCOVERING: Weezer news. Cuz you want to know as much as I do, you'll wanna read this article from

  • Rivers spoke to the possibility of releasing more home demos.
  • Cuomo describes the new songs, which are being co-produced by Rick Rubin, as “dark and deep and beautiful,” and “definitely more sophisticated and adventurous. You’ll hear very long songs … and non-traditional structures.”
  • Rivers said that he hopes to release at least one more “Alone” and is currently in discussions with Geffen about doing so. The track list is currently being finalized to Weezer’s new album, which is slated for an April or May release.
Can't get enough? Try two sites (well, one's a message board, actually) devoted to Weezer
Enjoy. More to come including my review of Rivers's solo project, Alone, at spunkybean week. Like I won't be beggin' you to read it.

Growing Up?

A friend recently posted the following comment on Netflix about a Miami Vice (the movie) and sent it my way. He was reaching out...

Note: Add it to the pile. Movies get worse and worse and worse yet. This was a steaming pile of shit. I hate to be so negative but I honestly can't find a good movie!! Any suggestions?

I think 2 things are happening here ...possibly 3.

1. My friend is getting older and growing out of action-adventure movies.
2. Action/adventure movies really do suck these days (thanks, Michael Bay).
3. He's becoming a grumpy-ol'-man.

Hell, I didn't like Transformers and wished I hadn't wasted $8 on it.

A few years ago I came up with the theory that movies like this (Miami Vice, Transformers) are for 10-21 year-old boys. Now that we're late-20s, early-30s, we just can't deal with the same tired plots, catchphrases, and impossible situations. And ...special affects are better ...but directors don't use them very well - why can't Hollywood actually blow up a building and not just pretend-to blow up a building, anymore?

Take heart ...a new Indian Jones movie is coming out. There's a few shoot-em-up movies that still rise above (The Rundown, Bourne Identity). But maybe we all need to rent some classics ...or embrace our movie snobbishness and just forget this genre all-together. Go on a Hitchcock marathon. Or a Clooney marathon - he's got a few clunkers, but for the most part has managed to stay above the fray.

Or we could go all "indie" films for a while ...IFC Channel and Netflix could keep us busy for a year with obscure titles and tales.

If anyone's paying attention, suggest a few titles for an aging action-adventure guy to start anew. Thanks.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

This Post is So Lame You'd Think I'm a Writer on Strike

Last I checked, blog-writers aren't on strike. But the quality and content of this post will make you think that's the case.

WRITING: spunkybean. Our little pop-culture web-site. I've committed to (4) articles this week ...and its already Wednesday. I may use holidays, vacation, and reduced readership during the Xmas-NewYear's week as an excuse for not writing and missing my own deadlines. And we all know making-excuses is a true symbol of greatness ...I'm pretty sure that's one of Stephen Covey's "7 Habits." I should probably read that book, again.

AND WRITING: Text Messages to Santa. That's the name of a short-story I'm writing. So far its long on gags and short on structure. Do things actually have to happen in a story to be considered a story? Just asking. Actually, I'm writing it kinda outta embarrassment. Seems my blogosphere (geez, I feel geeky writing that) bestest friend got me something for Christmas, and ...I didn't get him anything. Apparently he and his family don't give store-bought gifts and, instead, write Christmas stories for each other every year and read them aloud beside the fire and under the tree each Christmas Eve. I assume nog is served, sweaters are worn, and a Bing Crosby or Nat King Cole tune fills the air. Heck, I don't know their family (I really don't actually even know Nickel Guy), but I'll betcha someone smokes a pipe.

I may have the details wrong ...but, yes ...his family writes stories and reads them.

You can read his 2005 version at his blog. I was lucky enough to be able to read his 2007 story. Cuz, like I said, we're bestest friends. And since I feel guilty (read: inspired), I'm going to get him a story in return.

AND WRITING: Three movie scripts. It appears unlikely that my reality show concept is going to be bought and produced any time, soon, so ...why not write movie scripts? Right? I have three really strong ideas. But as they say in Hollywood, an "idea" is about as worthless as a Stephen Segal movie. It's what you do with that idea and how you build a story around it that counts. It's not enough to say you'd like to make Mr. Ed into a feature movie ...cuz, really, who doesn't? No, sir. You have to have a full concept. A story. Everything. Sooooo, in 2008 I'm going to turn my (3) "ideas" into stories.

AND WRITING: Spec scripts. While reading all those books on movie script writing, I learned that you can make a living or launch yourself into superstardom simply by submitting spec scripts to established television shows. First you have to build some rapport, I guess. Write a fan-letter to a writer and ask for some advice or something. Then, if you get that return letter (and, yes, you write a letter on paper ...because no one does that anymore and a well-written letter is more likely to get read and returned), you write a follow-up and then include a spec script. I guess there's hundreds of Hollywood success stories based on this model. Sounds crazy, I know ...but I have very little to lose. Plus, you faithful blog readers will get to laugh at me and my letters right here.

AND WRITING: My other blog. My family blog. I have yet to finish my Christmas Letter, journal the holiday happenings - everything since Halloween - and record a few family member milestones.

Some may ask, "why?" And many ask, "how do you have the time?" Truth is ...I don't know "why" and I really don't have the time. But I know one thing ...I like to write. Some guys hunt and some have a passion for golf and carve out 4 or 8 hours a week in pursuit of those hobbies. Heck, I know some guys who like doing Soduku puzzles and spend hours upon hours doing Soduku puzzles each week. Do you laugh at those people? Well? Do ya? I'm sorry ...I don't mean to get defensive. And if you're one of the 3 or 4 people who might actually read a DonniEgo post the length of this one, I'm not talking to you. You understand.

Well's the 26th and, I can't believe it employer probably expects me in the office some time, today. Later.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Bug Off. My Ego's on Vacation

I can't believe you people expect me to blog on Christmas Eve. Sure, Amazing Race was on, Donder and Blytzen were almost eliminated, Bad Dad was bad once again, and the coolest racer ever, KT, overcame every obstacle imaginable. Ho, ho, ho, hum.

First ...this ...hit play and enjoy some music it whilst reading:

All I know is that if American Idol fell on a holiday, I think they'd have the decency to take a night off. But I love you, Amazing Race, and I'll watch you no matter when you air. And you weren't on the air last Sunday ...and I was sad ...even though I was watching Survivor, which makes me happy ...I was sad. I was torn.

Last night's episode saw the 5 remaining teams operating on limited sleep ...I think they stayed awake for 30+ hours straight. Awesomeness always happens when you throw sleep deprivation in with extreme stress ...but ...when you combine it with an email from home, you've really got yourself an emotional stew ...yummy.

Unflappable TK almost ...almost ...looked flapped. He needed to go air born 5 times to see the next clue spelled out in a farm field. This after his girlfriend left their first clue at some coffee shop. And if that wasn't enough ...he acquired a flesh eating bacteria. No. I'm kidding. They got a flat tire. Surely I thought this hippy was done fer. But, no. He triumphed and changed that flat tire. And then he punctuated this feat by saying, "and they didn't think I could change a tire!"

Huh! Do you have enemies back home whom use this to degrade you, TK? Relax. Lots of people would struggle to change a tire.

I think I know what's in TJ's backpack. Pot. Lots and lots of pot. Remember, they did have a leg that went through Amsterdam ...need I say more?

We saw some emotion from Bad Dad when his daughter read an email from his other daughter. You could tell this really choked him up. He was, obviously, very sad she wasn't there with him so he could tell her how much he hates modern technology and then chew her out for her poor grammar and spelling in that email. Instead, he took it out on his Racing daughter. Next week she really gets it.

What else? Oh ...yes. CBS made Dumb Dumb and Grandpa get tattoos? A ridiculous "F F" tattoo, at that! Can you believe that? That's harsh. Tune in next season where the Fast Forward includes branding or that crazy African tribal ritual of lip or ear drum stretching. Geez, Burnett. Give a guy a break. Oh ...and I apologize for the picture at the left, but I just wanted to make sure everyone knew what I meant in my lip-stretching joke.

Kynt and Vyxxen annoy me. I'm bummed it was a non-elimination round. I would've liked to see them eliminated. Sure, they're goth ...looking ...but very little else about them is "goth." Couldn't they speak in 14th Century English? Or cut each other or recruit a man-slave or something during one of these legs? Their shtick has gotten boring. "Looking goth" is not what the show's producers had in mind, I'll bet. It would be like having a Charlie Chaplin impersonator or a mime-couple on the race'd expect them to stay in character or something. I mean, damn awesome would the race be if Vyxxen dragged Kynt around with a dog collar and leash for a leg? Imagine the look on Phil's face - and how high he'd raise his eyebrow - if Vyxxen forced Kynt to sit and beg just before stepping onto the mat at the end of a leg? Imagine.

Well, no, actually, I don't know what "goth" people do to be all "goth" and stuff. Kynt and Vyxxen aren't doing much to break down barriers for goth-people, I guess. I just assume they act like freaks all the time and do freaky things.

Well ...that was that. Kinda awkward to wish you all a Merry Christmas just 50-words after I envisioned a woman walking a man on a leas and 200 words after I posted a picture of a disgusting, stretched out lip, but so be it ...Merry Christmas!!! That's right! I said it. This blog will not succumb to the "war on Christmas!" I won't go all "Happy Holidays" and stuff. No way! I'll say it, again ...Merry Christmas. Bam!

Happy Holidays (note to potential sponsors: I've relaxed my stance on the Christmas thing, already).

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Merry Christmas II

There's nothing on TV and I've got to write some stuff for spunkybean (which you're reading, right?), so I guess I'll just dump some random stuff here ...

WINNING: The Pistons over the Celts - in Boston. It was hard to ignore the Celtic's 20-2 record heading into last night's game. The national media has certainly yawned at the Pistons being good ...again ...and they were sooooo happy with their shiny, new, green, east coast toy. Would I have put all the stock into this game if the Pistons would've lost? No. So I won't change my tune because the 'Stones won, either ...but it was nice.

DOMINATING: Spartan Hoops. 11-1. With their easy victory over San Jose State last night, they're well, well, on their way to a great season and another run in March. Last year we fans struggled along as they worked their asses off to get 20-wins. This year, it all seems ho-hum. The team looks grown-up. Like they know what it takes to win. And, hell ...they were playing their bench last night late in the game and even they looked hellagood.

CAROLING: I'm just feelin' so darn Christmassy ...I have a song in my heart. Just like Jesus and Santa ...

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Merry Christmas

Since I can't send this to everyone I know in an e-card, I've posted it h'rrrrrrr. I'm damn glad I have a blog and everyone who loves me and cares for me checks it. Cuz ...well ...'Sheed and the boys have really expressed what's in my heart.

Is it any wonder I'm a Pistons fan?

My Daily Life

OVERHEARING: In the elevator this morning. Two women having a conversation and one says to the other:
Woman #1: "These little horses can live 20 years. But if they blow out a hip or sprain a knee, they just don't live that long. That's why they put tennis shoes on them."

Woman #2: "Really? Tennis shoes?"

Woman #1: "Oh, yeah. Tennis shoes tied up real tight. Keeps them fuckers from slippin' and fallin' on the tile or hardwoods. Its a horse! It don't do well when it ain't on grass. Gorgeous animals, but dumb shits when you take them off grass or dirt
Well, I'llllllll be. I searched the internet and there's all kinda pictures of tiny ponies wearing shoes. Waddya know? You really do learn something every day. Sadly, dumb shit ponies, apparently, do not.

FIZZLING: My interest in Clash of the Choirs. I think I realize what it's like for my friends in their 30s to be dating. They really want to like the new person they're seeing. They want to be falling in love and be the next eHarmony success story, but if it ain't workin', it ain't workin'. With the writers strike going on, the Christmas season re-runs in full swing, and American Idol still weeks away, I guess I was trying force myself to like something. I feel like, maybe, I didn't really give America's Got Talent, Dancing with the Stars, or Project Runway my 100% effort. Maybe I could've overlooked some serious shortcomings. I mean, hey ...the other shows I watch aren't perfect. Sure, I watch them, but they're not exactly Sopranos. Who am I to judge this show, right? Maybe there's a reason I don't have anything to watch after Thanksgiving, typically. I'm out there expecting every show to be American Idol or Lost, but truth is, they can't be. But if I don't truly love a show, shouldn't I wait for true love? I don't know. I'm just so confused. I guess it's true what they say ...that you're more likely to be struck my lightning than find a show you love after the age of 30. That's what they say, right?

Maybe I'll give Ice Road Truckers a call. It really is a nice show and my parents think it's so darn charming ...yes ...maybe I will. Does anyone else her string music?

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Clash of the Judgements

SURVIVOR: If you had asked me 7-weeks ago whom I thought was going to win Survivor, I'd have told you emphatically, "I don't have any idea! Why would you think I know that?!?!?! What? You think I have nothing better to do than 'project' (and I'd have made air quotes and leaned toward you showing you my crazy eyes) who's going to win Survivor!?!?!?"

I was having a really bad week. 6-weeks ago, however, I would've said James. And though I thought Todd was playing the game quite well, I thought the tractor trailer load of hatred and resentment he was collecting virtually eliminated him, entirely.

But ...with a pathetically insecure-acting chick on his right and a skinny, do-nothing, forked-tongued Olsen twin on his left, he had set-up the only scenario in which he could win. And, he did.

Dammit! I won't be happy about this for a while. If ever. And the only reason I'll watch this predictable show again is because (a) there'll be nothing else on TV if the writer's strike doesn't end and (b) because I'm addicted.

I'm happy James won the fan vote. And, um, I'm happy Mark Burnett gave Mullet-Fu $50,000. That was odd. Though, I really do feel bad for her. She's so sweet and innocent she probably didn't understand that 95% of America has television sets so when you look like you do, talk like you do, talk about how poor you are, how much you regret your life ...ouch ...I'll just say its hard enough being in school when you're a kid and being teased sucks. I know ...cuz I teased alotta kids. But imagine being an adult and still having 5th graders make up poems about your name? And instead of them knocking books out of your arms, they kick over your cleaning bucket and steal your plunger.

Geez, Burnett ...couldn't you have given her more?

Next season we'll get Fans v. Favorites. Nice. An inspired combination. I get it. I'll watch. Will Rob & Amber get another shot? That'd be great. Though I know most people didn't like them, so probably not. I have a better idea. How about they bring back all contestants who were voted out in the first 2-weeks of their respective seasons? Or they bring back the most inept contestants in the show's history?

CLASH: What am I doing still writing about Survivor? How can that be when there's a new show on TV that's about to become the best show on TV. Clash of the Choirs premiered last night and, while I wasn't actually sitting and watching it and it was simply background noise while I painted, I was caught up in the choir storm, immediately!!!

First, it's on NBC. And NBC should be supported through this difficult, post-Cosby, post-Friends, post-Seinfeld era when they can't seem to crack the top-10 with any show. Second, you have to watch just to hear host Maria Menounous. She laughs ...always. If a judge makes a funny quip ...she laughs. If someone says something constructive ...she laughs. When they come back to her LIVE from a clip featuring a woman who talks about being domestically abused ...she laughs!?!?!? And then I laugh. Third, you have to watch because Blake Shelton says the goll darn funniest ding dang things you ever gonna hear. Every time! The tabloids talked about how Marie Osmond had a writer just off camera always feeding her lines. I'm pretty sure Blake Shelton has a team of writers throwing him lines. Leno's writers, maybe? Larry the Cable Guy's writers? I'm guessing there's no less than 30 writers standing just off camera throwing bits of paper in front of him. What a hoot!

You gotta feel for Michael Bolton. It ain't his fault he's from a small home town and there simply wasn't enough people in the town to form a choir, period, let alone being good singers. They roped in a 77-year-old woman and sang for a charity, so no one could go Simon Cowell on their gawd awful choir-singing asses.

This show will get you through the next few weeks, I think. I'm guessing its coming back, right?

My wife walked into the room and said it best ...Clash of the Choirs is proof that American television is, suddenly, on par with Telemundo and Univision. I'm going to pitch Saturday Giant to a network, post haste. That's all that's left.

I also saw ads for Celebrity Apprentice. Man, I don't want to watch this show ...but I will. Sorry ...I won't even attempt anything snarky or humorous. I'm just saying I'll watch this ...and I'll hate myself a heroin addict hates himself.

And, seriously ...if this show can get on the air, my show will.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Surviving Monday

I really need a day off. I'd like to hunker down in a coffee shop with a laptop, cell phone, ipod, and a scarf tied around my neck paired with an off-white waffle shirt while firing away at the computer and my blogs. What are these people doing? They must be blogging, right? Whenever I run screaming from my office and hit a Caribou or Starbucks for a quick time-out, there's at least a dozen people in there, sitting alone, cranking away at something. 11am, 2pm, 4:15pm, or 9:40pm ...they're always there. What's happened in this world that I no longer inspire to be the briefcase laden, suit wearin', cell-phone talkin', blackberry typin', flashy car drivin' guy from the movie, but instead I want to be the lamenting, anti-social, misfit, lonely coffee shop lap-top guy?

I'll get to the much anticipated Survivor thoughts. Worry not. If you simply can't wait for something to read that effects nothing and serves the purpose of distracting you from the job you hate and might not have if the economy gets any worse, look no further than spunkybean.

Have I mentioned spunkybean?

Not that I'm required to punch-in and punch-out, but it's 6:57am and I've been hammering away at the PC since 5:50am. The coffee pot is empty, I think I hear little foot steps upstairs, I still have a job I need to get ready for, and I didn't even touch the 4 things I wanted to write about, this morning.

Just know there's more on the way. An Alvin & the Chipmunks movie review, an angry diatribe on Survivor and Todd's ridiculous hair, something on my family's blog, and more.

In the meantime, if you need me, I'll be hangin' in my local Caribou with my new best friends ...the friends whose names I don't know, don't speak to nor interact with, and feeling self important.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Sickened on Saturday

I got up early on Saturday to check scores, drink a little coffee and have some "me time" ...instead ...a loved one forwraded me this...

Friday, December 14, 2007

More Gift Ideas

I sure hope the adoring fans of Don realize that shipping gifts this time of year tends to take a bit longer than normal. I'm just sayin' I haven't received anything and I want to make sure all my readers can call FedEx or UPS and give them the tracking number and figure out what the heck's going on.

Here's another book I'd like to read...
As I think I've stated many times, I began reading about 70 or 80 books in 2007 and finished, oh, like 4. So, this book would be perfect. One. I like to be stylish. Two. It seems like a picture book and I could totally finish it.

I'm starting small. A book of Chuck Norris one-line jokes and a picture book ...of a man ...oh, crap!

Wu, Wu, Wu, Wu!!!

PRE-AMBLING: This post will accomplish 3-things. One. Tell you I reviewed Wu-Tang Clan's newest CD over at spunkybean. Two. Plug spunkybean. Three. Briefly talk about Survivor!.

RE-DIRECTING: To spunkybean. Here I've reviewed the latest Wu-Tang CD, 8 Diagrams. It will be the last Wu-Tang CD I'll review because I can't imagine they'll ever get back together and make an album. And I'm OK with that. Plus, I was luke-warm on this effort and just won't spend the money on any future Wu-Tang CDs. I say that, now.

PIMPING: spunkybean. Seriously ...yesterday's original piece, "Chewbacca: The Final Interview" is the best we've posted, so far. I fell in with a group of talented, funny writers I hope will rub-off on me. This is a stellar effort.

SURVIVOR: My brother texted me that Mullet-Fu is actually a genius. No, sir. I'm not buying it. I'm still convinced she thinks Elf Boy and Skeleton Girl have her back. Was it smart to keep the super-villain duo and get rid of Figi? Or is it Pigi? P - G? Yes. Cuz if you find yourself in the final two with any of the three left in the game, you'll win. But Mullet-Fu ain't makin' it to the final three. Unless she wins immunity - which won't happen if another bird fetus is presented as a meal - she's gone. The remaining survivors are well aware of her harmlessness and will NEVER pick her into the final two. Never.

Mullet-Fu should have kept P-G. Period. Should've taken Blurred-Butt Girl (why is her butt blurred in every scene ...can America's TV viewing world not handle an exposed butt cheek?), to the reward. She should've left Elf and Skeletor on the beach to seethe and plot. And then she should've convinced Blurred-Butt and PG to vote Elf and Skeletor out of the game.

Now? Mullet-Fu has no chance. She's gone, next week.

I'm glad I have a blog to permanently record how much I hate this show. Well, this season, at least. I'm still not entirely convinced Skeleton Girl will make it until this Sunday's finale before she completely shrinks into nothingness.

I give Elf Boy credit, though. He's fully aware of his jackassery. He long-ago abandoned any hope of finding respect or admiration from the jury and now he's just playing the odds. Odds are he can beat the more-hopeless Skeletor and he's going to do everything he can to ensure her skinny buddy is with her on Sunday night to weather the brutal questions and judgements that await them on the jury.

That was a long sentence. These 60-hours until the finale will be long. The days, weeks, and months that follow until the January premieres will be an eternity.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Blake Cares and Thanks Me

Its impressive when the owner of a bar or restaurant thanks you for coming to his establishment and asks that you, "come again." When the host of a party does it, its classy.

Well, Blake Lewis ain't just some ego-maniacal pop-star. He's like a classy party host. Is he bitter that the best he could muster in his first week of CD sales was #10? No. He's a humble beat-boxer from the lilly-white streets of Seattle and he appreciates every last one of us that bought his CD. He managed to find 9-whole seconds during his busy day to shoot a "thank you" video for his fans. And watch ...he didn't even have to check the queue card until the :04-second mark.

He's, like, seriously, one of my new best buddies.

Thanks from Blake Lewis

"Audio Day Dream" debuted at #10 on the Soundscan Charts, selling 97,500 copies in it's first week! As a result, Blake wanted to make sure to thank all of his fans for their support! Check it out!


LAUDING: My blog buddy's interview with Chewbacca. Am I shamelessly pimping my other website-slash-blog? You bet yer sweet bippy, I am. spunkybean. Click it. Bookmark it. Add it to your RSS reader.

Chuck Norris didn't go to college; college came to him.
Hey ...I like what I like. The Chuck Norris stuff is gold! Comedy gold!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Laughing and Listing

Two posts in a single day? I know ...I'm prolific. Was just laughin' in my car at an interview with Ian Spector, author (use the term loosely) of The Truth About Chuck Norris. The list never ends and never ceases being funny.
Chuck Norris, coincidentally, lives in a round house.

Chuck Norris's calendar goes right from March 31st to April 2nd; nobody fools Chuck Norris.
Again, if you're stumped for gifts to get me ...get me this book. If you aren't exactly looking for Christmas gift ideas, just enjoy. And hit the official site.

Lamenting and Lingering

OVER-INTERACTING: Should I have a MySpace, Facebook, and Friendster account to go with my LinkedIn, Gmail, Yahoo!, and Yahoo! 360 accounts? I'll soon have a new spunkybean email account and spunkybean will be the 4th blog to which I post. Is all this interactivity a "good thing?"

VIEWING: Nothing. I'm bound and determined to start watching 30 Rock. Luckily, I've seen but 2 episodes and I will not lament the re-runs of this show. Other than that, I keep meaning to sit down and diagram my Tivo To-Do list for after the writer's strike.

READING: I'm not kidding when I say I've started 45 books this year and finished two. Two! This certainly says something about my psyche. Something bad. I'm sure of it. I think I'll get a book on psychology and figure it out. I swear I'm going to finish The Mother Tongue - but seeing as how I read a page and a half last night, my hopes are diminishing.

WISHING: For Christmas. Presents big and small. A wallet. Dress shirts. Wood glue. New brown dress shoes. A Nordstrom Rack gift card.

OK ...that last topic was rather cheap and uninspired and mostly for 1-person ...though I've heard of columnists and bloggers getting stuff from fans ...feel free to creep me out by sending me stuff off my wish-list.

WATCHING: My evenings have been relegated to PTI, Oprah, and sports. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I watch this stuff anyway. The problem is, this takes me all of 40 minutes plus the passive watching that goes with sports, and I'm really unfulfilled.

On non-strike nights, I would always have the previous night's The Daily Show and The Colbert Report that both made me laugh, forget the household chores I should be doing, and kept me up-t0-date on current events. I also had the previous night's episodes of Late Night with Conan O'Brien and Jimmy Kimmel Live - both served the purpose of allowing me to oggle the current Hollywood starlets and introduce me to cool, new bands I might not now.

Now I feel I'm losing my grip. Will I have to Tivo Keith Olberman's Countdown? I hear Carson Daly's show is back. No. No. I couldn't possibly have sunk that low. Queen Bean over at spunkybean has some suggestions ...but knowing her, I think we're all just grasping at straws.

Granted, this is the typical December-January dead period. It's why we have 55 college football bowl games, I suppose. Ha! I exaggerate. There's only 32 bowl games. These games take us right through January 7th and then, typically, we have but a week or two until everything's "all new" and Idol begins.

I don't know if there's light at the end of this tunnel, friends. With each passing day, the news on the Writer's Strike worsens, up fronts are canceled, entire projects are shelved and may never be seen (note: as long as my show gets picked up, I'm cool), and I have more things to add to a list separated by commas.

CONCLUDING: My point is this ...I'm bored. And scared. And now it's 7:00am and I've finished my morning prose, so off I go to ready for the work day. 'Til Thursday, my bloggites.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Amazing Race

AMAZING RACE: I can't believe the Dysfunctional-Father-Daughter team won the leg - without a Fast Forward, even. The lack of sleep and pressure of the game is empowering the daughter. All is not lost. She told him to notice how nice people are being and that he should treat her as nice. Nice. He had a mini-melt-down at the mere thought that someone might not give him the whole truth regarding flights, though in the end, he had the last laugh. Not that he's one to laugh.

I've been saying for weeks that I know why Cheating-Boyfriend cheated. I'll say it, again - I know why Cheating Boyfriend Cheated. My Amazing-Race-Watching-Partner didn't entirely agree and pointed out that Cheating-Boyfriend is "pretty mean." Hogwash! She starts the fights. How did rowing a boat turn into, "I hate you" and "you're the worst person ever?" Did the show's directors edit out the part where he called her fat? Seriously? Did I miss something "mean?" I guess its a bad sign if my "watching-partner" and I cannot watch Amazing Race without fighting. How do we ever expect to actually participate in the race?

I want to see underwhelmed couple TK and Rachel win this whole thing just because I think it'll be funny how low-key they'll be at the end. You know you're watching a stoner when you see a guy do a zip line across a half-mile expanse and all he can muster is "whoa" and "this is cool."

Nerd Boy and Issue Girl exposed a little too much of themselves, yesterday. We have our answer. Issue Girl is the daughter of a military man. I should've been playing "guess the root cause of their subversive behavior" every week. I totally could've gotten this one. Vixen's Dad is ex-military. Oh, gawd, how pathetic? Her Dad probably ran the family like a platoon, forced her to call him "sir," applied boot-camp principles to the running of the household, and now she's rebelling - by wearing pink and "dating" the most effeminate, anti-father-figure she can find. Oh, gee. Could it be any more trite? I went from thinking, "these two are OK" to "hahahahahahahhaha ...NERDS!" with that single comment. Now I've got to figure out Nerd Boy's deal? I'm going with "he's a nerd" who feels like he "belongs" in the Goth-alternative community. Like, the acceptance he never got from the jock-cheerleader or preppy-kid set, he feels he's found it in the Goth community. I'm also going to go out on a limb and predict he's among the geekiest Goth-guys, too.

Just a question? Can people in the Goth community ever, truly, get along? Or does every Goth person think all the other Goth people are just posers? In fact, isn't the very fact they're competing on a popular network show entirely ironic? Or are they so Goth and subversive that they're supergoth because they're railing against the Goth code of silence?

Next week, I'll venture to a Goth club and watch Amazing Race to see if there's some crazy watching-party where they support their own-kind. I predict that true Goths don't have the slightest idea what The Amazing Race is or even what CBS television is, for that matter. I also hypothesize I'll get beat-up for the J. Crew stuff and condescending look I'll be wearing. I've included a pre-Goth-phase rendering of Donder and Vixen, (left).

Next week, the Goths fight - SO GOTH! - and Grandpa has a dilemma - though it looked like he was battling a bout of dementia, truth be told. Poor guy ...he's old and his Grandson's a dolt.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Suriving ...Barely

So much to say, so few readers. Oh, wait. So little time. Oh, ye faithful Ego-maniacs, please check back Sunday evening.

Things I'm chewing on . . .

SURVIVOR: Mullet Fu made a grave tactical error. That wasn't Skeleton-Girl's father, I'm convinced. Why were the sisters bird calling? Where's James!?!?!? Oh, that's right. I am sad.

RANKING: My children. I've determined when my three kids are old enough to understand the system, I'm going to rank them each Sunday. They'll have too work hard all week and I'll take independent polling from teachers, friends, and family and then Sunday night they see if they've moved up or down the rankings. My friends have dubbed this the CCS - Child Championship Series. I may even allow neighbor children, schoolmates, and cousins into the rankings to make it more competitive. Hey ...NCAA football can't get it right, I get some time to perfect this. Mainly I think it will motivate my kids to focus each week and make sure they take even mid-major chores or non-conference (non-family) children seriously. Maybe I'll be impressed the neighbor kid mowed my lawn? He could get some #1 votes. I'm just sayin'.

BEANING: And then there's spunkybean. My little baby. It's still in beta mode ..."beta" meaning us figuring out what it is and why people would visit it ...but its a fun side project. Taking time away from the Ego, though.

'Tis all. Have a nice weekend.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

A Magic Bean

In the classic story of Jack and the Beanstalk, Jack trades his family's cow for beans. Magic beans. He was supposed to take the cow into town and trade it for bread. Instead Jack met a man who offered something that sounded much better than bread. Magic beans. Beans, Jack was told, that would grow to the sky.

Jack took that deal. A cow for some beans that seemingly had great potential.

It is with this story in mind that I'm trading my cow (DonniEgo) for magic beans ...spunkybean. I, like Jack, met a strange little man on my way to market who promised big things. A big idea. A site that could reach up to the sky. 'Tis our plan. Though unlike Jack, we don't assume our bean will grow to the sky overnight.

spunkybean intends to be "a zesty pop culture stew." We'll take our small, opinionated voices and talk about TV, music, movies, and whatever else seems to perpetuate society's vernacular. We hope you'll like what you read there and check back daily. We hope you share spunkybean with friends, bookmark it, and add it to your RSS reader. We hope you buy spunkybean logo apparel ...though none is available, yet.

I, The Don, also hope you continue to check-in at DonniEgo, too. I'll still be here, writing, every day, but I don't think anyone wants to read my poorly-written, stream-of-conciousness thoughts on everything. I mean ... I do have thoughts on everything, but I'll keep them on this blog.

With that ...I invite you to read my much anticipated review of Blake Lewis's Audio Day Dream. It's at spunkybean.

Here's to magic beans.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Heroes, Hotties, and Hunky,

HEROES: Will the writer who made Hiro a badass and put Adam-slash-Kensai in a 6-foot-under-casket please figure out a way to end the writer's strike. Surely you've got a brilliant solution to this dilemma somewhere in the amazingly creative brain of yours. And when you solve it, don't tell the writer who's in charge of the Quick-Learn Girl's story line.

Last night's episode was 97% awesome and 3% horrible. Yes, I graphed it and broke the entire show into :30 second segments.

The horrible 3% belonged to Power-Boy, Ex-Strong-Chick, and Quick-Learn Chick. I assume the writer assigned to this story is the nephew of a biggetty big NBC network exec. He's some 23-year-old, barely made-it-outta-college guy who insists everyone call him "Boomer." No doubt wears a poncho of some sort and emphasizes everything with the word "stellar." On his first day, the show's creators gave him some loose direction on where the story was going and let him loose. He claimed his major influences to be Michael Bay. Then stopped talking and started writing. What he came up with was a stolen bag of comic books, cousins fighting, kidnappping, jumpy-acrobat fighting scenes, a car chase (albeit brief), and a building on fire and then exploding. He was so stoked when he brought his beat-up yellow legal pad to the weekly writer's meeting and was all, like, "Dudes. I totally worked all Sunday morning on this! We can do nudity, right?"

I guess Ex-Strong-Chick (aka Skitzo-Chick) is dead. Right. This story-line is so unattached to the rest of show. Why?

The other 97% - awesome!

So, Hiro is a badass. Finally, he did something right. Notice how, this time, when he saw Ando, there was no girlish screaming? Yup. He's turned a corner. Hopefully we've seen the last of wide-eyed-optimist Hiro. Of stupid Hiro. And until the writers introduce a hero who's power is digging and feeling tiny vibrations on the Earth's surface (call him, say, Bird Man ...well ...Flightless Bird Man), I think we've seen the last of Adam Monroe. How ironic would it be to write-off a character without killing him while everyone else gets to die and come back? Obviously the Heroes writers have been reading this blog and I appreciate the nod to my problem with dead people never being dead.

Speaking of which ...Flying Brother (not to be confused with Flying Boy) was shot seconds before revealing all their power's to the world. Um ...couldn't he have flown to the podium? I always think you've got to open any speech with a huge attention getter. He was losing that crowd and I'm not sure the guy (or gal) who shot him didn't do so simply to end the boredom. I'd transcribe his opening remarks, but I don't wanna lose the 11 readers I have. Who killed him, you ask? A shadowy figure. I know. Lame. I'm guessing it was his Mom. She seemed really big on this "kill him if necessary" thing. Now, now ...I'm sure some of you will argue otherwise, but I just wanna go on record and call a shot, for once. Ma Patrelli shot once. Twice. Cigarette. Yes, I know.

Shocked there's so many loose ends in a finale? Flying Boy wants his secrets and flew away. Bennet used the worst acting job ever to convince his family he can't be with them. Come on. In all these years he never gave his phony-wife or Claire some code words to pick-up on in the event he's forced to say something or do something he doesn't want to do? Like, call her "Claire Bird" or say "nifty" (a word Bennet would NEVER use) and make sure they don't react in the moment but realize something's a trap or a trick. Hmmm ...I better have a sit-down with my family tonight and come up with code words, too. You can never be too safe. After all power of common sense could save the world.

(whisper) Save the blogger, save the world.

Loose ends, loose ends ...yes, yes. Sylar did a back-alley heroin addict impersonation but, oh that silly, he was just injecting himself with healing blood. And ...he's back!!! Yes! Sahweet! Bring on the Sylar v. Peter cage match!!! Ya know, for all his evilness, I've really missed killing, power-stealing, man-on-a-mission Sylar. Ned Ryerson simply hasn't cut it as a super villain. And what's his deal? Is he powerful? Is he cunning? Is he even a "bad guy?" He's a piss-poor father, that's for sure. Of course, quality parenting isn't exactly a power any of these Heroes possess.

If Sylar takes Pudding-Death-Eye's powers, I think it's all over. I can see saving the cheerleader, but, PLEASE ...hide this chick away. Far away. And keep her happy. Literally ...keep her happy. Don't make her angry wouldn't like her when she's angry.

So, that's it. Nothing until 2008 and, if the writers don't figure stuff out, it may be limited awesomeness. Next week I'll post an open letter to the writers and TV execs. Not exactly a new bit, but certainly something you can copy&paste and forward to all your friends, right? Maybe my power of stern letter-writing will reveal itself to me.

HOTTIES: When I first saw the blonds I thought, "Nice." As I'm apt to do when I see attractive blond women. These blond women appeared proud of their superior looks, their fashion sense, and their manicures. Manicures?!?!? Like ...real, sit-in-a-chair, soak your feet-type manicures?!?!?!? Oh, snap! "How are women so beautiful and privileged going to slum with the rest of these middle-class to poor amazing racers," I thought. I mean ...manicures??!?! Do the blonds even need a million dollars?

Despite being really, really good looking, they were surprisingly inept. I know? Usually good-looking folk are also very smart - especially blond women.

Am I gonna get on Amazing Race chat rooms today and argue with my fellow Amazing Race show fans that their use of the U-Turn has nothing to do with karma and their demise? Will I slam cptavg1981 for making snide sexist comments about the blonds. Well, hell yeah I will. Someone needs to defend the one good move they made - that being their use of the U-Turn for those unable to follow my pronoun flooded prose.

Reminds me of a joke. What do you get when you have two blonds trying to read a map, count fence posts, and book airline travel? Oh ...I'm laughing already. This is a good one. You get kicked off Amazing Race.

Crap. That was funnier in my head.

These aren't the only annoying blonds on the Amazing Race this year. The Cheated-On-Girl is annoying, too. I can TOTALLY see why her boyfriend cheated on her. Why couldn't she shut the hell up when he was counting fence posts? Good gawd!

The loyal daughter decided to say "I love you Daddy" 100-times a day to change him. And Bad Dad doesn't like to say "I love you." He has no problem singing on TV, butchering the lyrics, talking about his hernia, embarrassing himself with his asinine comments, hypocritedness, and misplaced passions, but saying "I love you" to his daughter!?!?! No way. I want this team gone. No I don't.

Next week Cheated-On-Blond gets even more pissy and I think they bring the "other girl" onto the show for a Springer moment.

UNKY: Blake Lewis's CD is jammin' on my iTunes player right now. I can hardly type for all the dancing and bopping I'm doing. My initial take ...there's beat-boxing, catchy beats, average singing, and it sounds like lots of other stuff out there - perfect for me and the teeny boppers of these here United States. Will I be reviewing it on this blog? Oh, goodness no. It'll be on, baby!

More on spunkybean and Blake Lewis, tomorrow, my Claire-birds. It'll be nifty.