Tuesday, October 23, 2007

The Worst Heroes Blog Entry on the Web

HEROES: I'm pretty sure if I lived in Hero-world that my power would be the ability to see the obvious. The power of common sense.

People I would have saved last night? Everyone. And I would have only had to use my common-sense-power three times. 1. Do not bring the little girl to Ned Ryerson. 2. Do not trust your father who haunts dreams, kills people, and left you. In fact, don't trust anyone ever. Keep the handcuffs on. 3. Considering the man you found in a box can move things with his mind, heal himself, and paint-by-future-memory, assume that whomever's looking for him is probably gonna have more than handcuffs, an arrest warrant, and a wanted-poster. You'd think Peter might have wanted to take a peek in the box before hoping his new friends could handle everything with some brass knuckles and Irish bravado. I'm not even saying you should assume a totally-smokin'-hot-blond who can shoot lightning from her fingers might be coming for Peter. But maybe expect someone with a gun, at least.

Who's her Daddy!?!?!?! Who's her Daddy!?!?!? I'm guessing it's someone we haven't met or seen or heard of. I know. Can you believe they'd invent another character? I hope its Michael Gross.

Ando's power (Ando is Hiro's friend) apparently is the ability to always be the stupidest guy in any room that he enters.

The Waitress Mimic. I wonder if she was prone to getting orders wrong! HA! Write that down, folks. Get it? She learns quickly ...that's her power. So, she wouldn't get orders wrong. Oh. My sides. Moving on. I don't recall anyone in any previous episode playing the piano. I audibly groaned when she walked into the apartment and Fix-It-Boy was playing the piano. Like ...can you guess what's going to happen next? If only the Grizzled-Star-Trek alum was hosting a tap dancing, knitting bee while her son worked a butterfly knife and watched the DIY Network. Let's also recap what she's learned ...a flying-round-a-pole kick, tomato carving, piano, double-dutching, and we assume how to dunk a basketball. World? Are you listening? Consider yourself saved.

This episode was much better without the Keystone Cheerleader bumbling around. The preview for next week looks like she'll be back. But so will Sylar and Bennet and Bennet looks like he'll be acting badass. That's good. His Ward Cleaver shtick was getting old.

But, gee, Don. Sounds like you hate the show. Why even watch? No, actually, last season was so, so awesome that I'm completely riveted by the show. I don't think I had a single complaint. I guess I just wonder what happened to last year's writers.

So, what do I like? That Mind Reader can actually control minds ...meaning ...put thoughts inside as well as take thoughts out. Badass. I mentioned Bennet and Sylar will be back next week and will be getting closer to kicking some ass and killing people. I'm also completely enthralled by the big picture storyline. I struggle with the minutia, a little. I'll admit. But check the msg boards and the ratings and you'll see I'm not alone.

And, if you want more, real analysis. I direct you to ANFTSJ. This blogger has the attention to detail, critical thinking skills, and ...um ...the time on his hands to do what I only wish I could. For example ...I watch Mad Men and I see only a guy with the same name as me, great hair, cool suits, a lascivious lifestyle that looks AWESOME, and the advertising industry - which is the industry I work in. ANFTSJ sees this. Are you kidding me? I should just start watching WWE Wrestling and NASCAR and forget it all.

LAUDING: My Pandora station, Weeze Pleeze, might be my proudest accomplishment. It's Weezer based emo music that rocks. Does such a proclamation seem a bit misplaced? Perhaps. But don't judge until you've heard it.

TASTING: Decaf coffee looks like regular coffee, smells like regular coffee, brews like regular coffee, but it disappoints like a Grisham novel. I'm not all stupid, see?


Myndi said...

OK, seriously? Don't start hatin' on Ando, or I will cut you. But, really, he's sweet. Although I'm not digging the storyline anymore than I was last week as far as he and Hiro are concerned. I like your superpower--sounds easy, but so many people lack it these days, don't they (Britney, I'm lookin' at you, babe)? I agree w/you on the minutia, but if I recall, I was still just starting to really get into it last year at this time, and now that the foundations of the big story have been laid, it can start kicking ass in earnest. If Michael Gross showed up, I would cheer, personally. Hey, if that guy from my 7th grade homeroom can play a cop on the show (I know, right?!) than anything's possible!

As for decaf, you really just had to ask me and I would have told you that. Pretty much tastes like burnt coffee and there is just no point.

I think that's enough for today. I am powered by Tim Horton's coffee myself!

EJ said...

Keep in mind, too, that you started watching Heroes over a marathon weekend 2/3 of the way through the season last year. Those of us watching every week would often say "Seriously? Another scene with Peter and Isaac and Simone where they don't really say anything?" You are officially part of the slow unfolding process now.

I'm not sure why you're so down on Monica's power -- surely being able to fight like Bruce Lee after watching a movie is more useful than super-hearing or "I can turn appliances to liquid". I feel like last season Niki or Micha made referred to selling their piano, but I can't back that up just now. You do realize that you have officially ruined my weekend, as I scan Season One for every Micah scene, looking for a mention of a piano.

Maybe that's your power -- to derail my weekends with an innocent reference!

Don said...

I'm like a really-lame Peter P ...I have the power of common sense and I can slightly agitate people. And, crap! Micah can copy my power if she meets me.

How on god's green earth do you remember how I started watching Heroes?

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