The Worst Heroes Blog Entry on the Web

HEROES: I'm pretty sure if I lived in Hero-world that my power would be the ability to see the obvious. The power of common sense.

People I would have saved last night? Everyone. And I would have only had to use my common-sense-power three times. 1. Do not bring the little girl to Ned Ryerson. 2. Do not trust your father who haunts dreams, kills people, and left you. In fact, don't trust anyone ever. Keep the handcuffs on. 3. Considering the man you found in a box can move things with his mind, heal himself, and paint-by-future-memory, assume that whomever's looking for him is probably gonna have more than handcuffs, an arrest warrant, and a wanted-poster. You'd think Peter might have wanted to take a peek in the box before hoping his new friends could handle everything with some brass knuckles and Irish bravado. I'm not even saying you should assume a totally-smokin'-hot-blond who can shoot lightning from her fingers might be coming for Peter. But maybe expect someone with a gun, at least.

Who's her Daddy!?!?!?! Who's her Daddy!?!?!? I'm guessing it's someone we haven't met or seen or heard of. I know. Can you believe they'd invent another character? I hope its Michael Gross.

Ando's power (Ando is Hiro's friend) apparently is the ability to always be the stupidest guy in any room that he enters.

The Waitress Mimic. I wonder if she was prone to getting orders wrong! HA! Write that down, folks. Get it? She learns quickly ...that's her power. So, she wouldn't get orders wrong. Oh. My sides. Moving on. I don't recall anyone in any previous episode playing the piano. I audibly groaned when she walked into the apartment and Fix-It-Boy was playing the piano. Like ...can you guess what's going to happen next? If only the Grizzled-Star-Trek alum was hosting a tap dancing, knitting bee while her son worked a butterfly knife and watched the DIY Network. Let's also recap what she's learned ...a flying-round-a-pole kick, tomato carving, piano, double-dutching, and we assume how to dunk a basketball. World? Are you listening? Consider yourself saved.

This episode was much better without the Keystone Cheerleader bumbling around. The preview for next week looks like she'll be back. But so will Sylar and Bennet and Bennet looks like he'll be acting badass. That's good. His Ward Cleaver shtick was getting old.

But, gee, Don. Sounds like you hate the show. Why even watch? No, actually, last season was so, so awesome that I'm completely riveted by the show. I don't think I had a single complaint. I guess I just wonder what happened to last year's writers.

So, what do I like? That Mind Reader can actually control minds ...meaning ...put thoughts inside as well as take thoughts out. Badass. I mentioned Bennet and Sylar will be back next week and will be getting closer to kicking some ass and killing people. I'm also completely enthralled by the big picture storyline. I struggle with the minutia, a little. I'll admit. But check the msg boards and the ratings and you'll see I'm not alone.

And, if you want more, real analysis. I direct you to ANFTSJ. This blogger has the attention to detail, critical thinking skills, and ...um ...the time on his hands to do what I only wish I could. For example ...I watch Mad Men and I see only a guy with the same name as me, great hair, cool suits, a lascivious lifestyle that looks AWESOME, and the advertising industry - which is the industry I work in. ANFTSJ sees this. Are you kidding me? I should just start watching WWE Wrestling and NASCAR and forget it all.

LAUDING: My Pandora station, Weeze Pleeze, might be my proudest accomplishment. It's Weezer based emo music that rocks. Does such a proclamation seem a bit misplaced? Perhaps. But don't judge until you've heard it.

TASTING: Decaf coffee looks like regular coffee, smells like regular coffee, brews like regular coffee, but it disappoints like a Grisham novel. I'm not all stupid, see?

Not a Secret

READING: A friend of mine sent me this great article. It pretty accurately sums up my thoughts, exactly. If you have 10-minutes, read it. I joke about The Secret, but only half-joking. It's really, really worth the time to read.

Yes ...I said, "really, really" which is way more emphatic that just saying "it's worth reading."

READING 2: The Whole Picture: Strategies for Screenwriting Success in Hollywood by Richard Warren. I've already lauded I had a GREAT story idea ...but I have no idea how to write a script, what it looks like, and how to get it read by someone who matters. So ...I hit the library and got 5 books on the topic.

OBSERVING: I sat at the mall enjoying a cup of coffee and counted 217 ugly people, 86 attractive people, and 96 neutral-looking people walk past. Most amazing is that 399 people actually passed by me. Would've never guessed that many.

REMEMBERING: I remember when we used to "call the time." Why? To get the time. "At the tone the time will be (pause) . . . two-thirty-three-and-forty-five-seconds." Suddenly I'm nostalgic to hear someone tell me the time.

WATCHING: Overture. Hit the lights. This is it. The night of nights. And oh what hieghts we'll hit. On with the shows, this is it! Thursday was a whirlwind. I didn't get to Mad Men so don't spoil it for me. Will Don Draper throw Pete Campbell from the window. Will it be premeditated? Or will it be in self defense when Pete starts waving the gun? Pete did mention the gun and he DOES have a gun in his office. And Pete is unstable. It could happen that he comes after Don Draper and he's thrown from the window. Or he could jump when Don fires him - cuz the big, barefoot, bossman said he could fire him. Maybe Pete jumps to his death. The opening credits show someone falling from the building. Dammit! When is that going to happen? Personally, I still have hope for Don and that he'll work through the one, two, or thirty issues he has. I wonder if someone will have an affair with someone? That would be an interesting twist, eh? Survivor. I'm happy Green Mile survived one more week and I hope the producers figure out a way to stop the losers from throwing their immunity challenges and voting off Green Mile. Someday I hope they have a show called Real Survivor that will handle the issue of absolutely helpless people staying alive ...figuartively and metaphorically. Every year some whiny, skinny, hopeless, hapless, unskilled, cry-baby makes it through week after week because they don't "threaten" the stronger players. Ooooooh, I get so mad. It wasn't the merge (as I was hoping) but I'm watching. I'm hoping for the merge next week. The Office. Um. I hate to complain, but what was that? Is this a comedy or a love-drama? I remember I used to laugh alot watching this show. Last night I chalked it up as a date night for my wife and I and I'm off the hook for Saturday. It couldn't have been more chick-flicky if it had starred Billy Crystal, Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, or the cast of Hairspray. Also watched Rutgers v. South Florida which was, by far, the best theatre of the night. Whoa! I don't mind college football on Thursday if they're all this good. And tonight, courtesy of Tivo I'll go blind watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, South Park from Wednesday, Best Week Ever, The Soup, and all of this week's The Daily Shows and The Colbert Report. I hear Steven Colbert is running for President. Hilarious. Oh, but all that's gonna follow the Donniego-World-Television premiere of Toy Story. The boy is potty-trained. This was the big incentive. Popcorn will be popped. The big screen TV and Dolby Digital will be in their glory, and Toy Story will be enjoyed by all.

Are you impressed that READING came before WATCHING? It's like I'm cultured or something.

LISTENING: Timbaland's self titled debut CD, Timbaland. Timbaland, who I thought was mainly the only rapper on the planet who would align himself with Justin Timberlake and not lose street cred, apparently is a big collaborator. Seriously ...I thought he even dropped whatever his original Emcee name might've been and just named himself after Timberlake for a quick buck. Like my studio-emcee might be called Donnieland or Donnie Cent. This CD is a thousand times better than I had anticipated. Good, funky beats. Awesome guest artists - which he has on every track. For what it is - which is studio beats, limited lyrics and vocabulary, a shameless plug for established artists, top-40 constructed hits with little substance, and way too many tracks lacking any overall theme save for dance-ability - its quite good. I'll probably listen to it quite a few times over the next few months.

ALSO LISTENING: Kid Rock's Rock n Roll Jesus. I've given each song about :30-seconds worth of listening and I can tell I'm going to like this a great deal. Hard to believe he was once a rapper. This is not a rap CD. This is a southern-rock, blue-collar, play-it-loud, scream-and-shout masterpiece. And he says "Detroit" a few time. I know. Who'd a thunk?

QUOTING: SpartanPlus columnist Jim Comparoni on '98 MSU quarterback Bill Burke...

Burke is so calm he can take the caffeine out of coffee just by looking at it.

Did he make that up? If so, that's good stuff.

REHASHING: The Beastie Boys Gala Event. Here's me and my brother ...dressed quite impressively, eh? This was an unforgettable show and probably tops the list of all the Beastie concerts I've attended (9 of them). Oh, and here's a super-white-trash Walmart Wolverine who made us laugh. See all pictures here.

What'd I Tell Ya?

BOASTING: Did you watch the ALCS last night. Isn't Paul Byrd a hoot? I could so totally be a sports writer (though I probably would have to stop using phrases like "so totally" and "hoot"). AP writer Tom Withers writes:

The Cleveland Indians, relying on a throwback pitcher who looks as if he stepped out of their 1948 team photo, moved one win from another crack at winning an elusive championship.

Pumping his arms with an old-school windup, Paul Byrd blanked Boston long enough and Casey Blake homered to start Cleveland's seven-run rampage in the fifth inning as the Indians beat the Red Sox 7-3 Tuesday night for a 3-1 lead in the AL championship series.

I'm just happy I'm not alone in enjoying his flair for the dramatic. Not enough of that, these days. Now, all he needs is a Rollie Fingers mustache. And let's face it, couldn't the world use a few more mustaches like that and alot more flair?

SPEAKING: One more thing I got from Heroes this season ...the word "Boyo." Peter's kidnappers-turned-best-friends-in-the-whole-world call him "Boyo." They say it through a thick Irish accent. It's cool. I'm going to use that word. OK, boyo?

THANKING: My Tyler Durden for clearing up a few of my issues and questions regarding Heroes.

APOLOGIZING: For those who check Donniego daily and expect piping hot content for their sexy bods, I simply must utilize my precious early morning moments as effectively as possible. Remember ...there's a TV pilot and a movie screenplay goin' on.

READING: Screenwriting books. I'm not kidding. I've had a million great ideas in my day, but this is the top idea. I'm convinced this premise can become a story and then, ultimately, can become a movie. I'm even collaborating with someone on this project. That's right. I have a collaborator.

Have a great Wednesday!!!

Five Days Gone

Holy cow! When did it get to be October 16th?!?!?!

WRITING: Where've I been, you ask? Honestly, workin' on my TV pilot concept. I'm convinced this show can work and if I had an ear of a TV producer, I'd get a green light. Look for the show coming to your TV soon.

ALSO WRITING: Oh ...and my cousin inspired me to write a movie screenplay. This little idea is even better than my television pilot or my book - but not better than my hair. Does anyone have Jason Bateman's phone number. I'm writing the role for him.

WATCHING: So much watching going on I don't know where to begin. Mad Men. I will miss you so much. I can't wait until your return after Christmas. *sniff, sniff* Survivor - China. The weird guy who thinks he's the leader and got naked that one time ...he got voted off. There's been quite a bit of nudity this season, but his was not a welcome nude. Gamblore remembered perfect Mandarin that he knew when he was two. Trust me ...the merge is coming soon and this is all you need to know, for now.

Ya know, I wanna offer my two cents on all this stuff, but with The Office, Heroes, The Bachelor, Chuck, It's Always Sunny, and South Park ...gasp ...I can't keep up.

SPORTING: The Colorado Rockies haven't lost a game since 2004, I think. Someone check that fact. But I'm pretty sure I'm right. And tonight's a real treat. 38 year old Paul Byrd goes for Cleveland. He may not win, but he wears his socks up high and has a wind-up you'd expect to see in an old Looney Tunes cartoon. He's a riot to watch. Michigan State kicked some huge butt against Indiana. I'm happy. And I'm going to Columbus this week as MSU takes on the #1 ranked Buckeyes.

HEROES: As always, I would suggest you read ANFTSJ's recap and meanderings. Personally, I can see why some fans are losing a wee bit of interest and faith. The writers have stripped the whole deal down and are basically starting from scratch. Sylar has no powers. Peter is halfway across the world ...oh ..and inside his brother. Maybe. Ned Ryerson is the new Sylar. The little girl who sees things in dreams and was scared shitless of Sylar, before, is now scared of Mindreaders' Dad. And just where was this guy in her dreams last year? And Clare?!?!?!? Are you f'n kidding me (sorry for the harsh apostrophized language)?!?!?!?! Your Pretend Dad (his name's Bennet, right?) saved your ass and raised you your entire life and this is how you repay him? You won't even let him meet your flying boyfriend??!?!?!? I'd have to check Season 1's DVDs, but I'm pretty sure she saw about six or seven other Hero-people and nearly witnessed a nuclear holocaust in NYC, and now suddenly she's going to keep a secret from her Pretend Dad?!?!?! Then again, shame on Bennet for trusting her dumb ass to be able to handle herself. Come to think of it, with all the new powers we've seen, I'm not sure why we're "saving the cheerleader" anymore. Wouldn't the Mexican Immigrant Life Force Stealing chick truly be the person to protect? And, what's more, we now see the power of healing ain't even all the great or unique. Amnesia Peter can do it. And so can White Rice. And, finally, what about the girl in the diner. Her power is the power to learn things quickly. This is a GREAT (sarcasm) power to have during high school and college, but I don't see how she's going to be doin' any butt-kicking with this skill.

I'm still watching, but they're losing me a little.

Oh, look ...my daughter just learned to walk by watching me, her mother, brother, and sister. She might be a hero like the girl who works in the diner and can't get a promotion. Maybe now that her boss saw her pull a Jackie Chan, she'll get that raise and promotion.

Blogging aimlessly, sadly, seems to be my only power. I'm going to try that swing-around-a-pole kick in front of my boss and see if I get a raise.

My Inner Dæmon?

OK ...I gotta share my daughter's dance interpretation of National Popcorn Poppin' Month. Very touching.

Note: If anyone knows how to rotate a .mov file, please leave a comment. Thanks.

INVENTING: My animal spirit. This is kinda cool. I'm sure in the next few weeks this'll be forwarded to you a dozen or so times from your secretary or your sister. And they'll say in their email "this is pretty cool..."

Always the dot-dot-dot.

What is a dæmon? Your inner-animal-spirit.

Honestly ...I don't snort when I laugh. You've got to believe me.

Go here ...'click' dæmon at the top. Then 'click' Meet Your Dæmon. Answer 20 questions.

I did it twice ...both times I came up a raccoon. Modest, sociable, assertive, outgoing, and competitive. Yup. Modest. That's me!!! Sophistra.

Sadly, I hate to break it to that site's creators, but I have already forgotten what movie I was supposed to be noticing and, even if I did remember, I'm thinking it'd probably be a little too juvenile or fantasy-geeky for me. I've never played D&D in my life and I ain't about to start, now.

And when I wasn't finding my animal spirit, I was almost finishing my television pilot (laugh now, but when I'm at the Really Awards and beatin' up Johnny Fairplay, we'll see who's laughing), reading a book, watching Survivor, The Office, and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, bowling, surprise partying, and more.

Trapped in the Closet

Thank goodness for a slow Tuesday night of TV. Check out the closets! See. I wasn't kidding. This, obviously, would be much more dramatic with a few "before" pictures.



How's your popcorn poppin' goin'? If you didn't have a piping hot, buttery bowl of goodness during last night's South Park or Pushing Daisies, you have no excuse not to pop some up tonight. The Office, 30 Rock, Survivor, Mad Men, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, or the MLB divisional championship series.

I get so excited just thinking about all that awesome TV each Thursday - and the accompanying popcorn.

NOT READING BUT MEANING TO, BUT WATCHING: I Am America (And So Can You). Colbert's book came out Monday. Soooo, naturally, he interviewed himself as a guest on his own show. Funny stuff (how's that for a review). Did I buy the book, you ask. Heh, eh ...well ...see ...I've got to finish these other books. Does it count that I've "started reading" 9 books this year? Or do you actually have to read them all the way through?

I should do an entire blog entry about the-books-I-almost-read, the good-intentions-and-ideas I had, the hobbies and interests I meant to pursue, and ...well ...yes, I'll totally post that when I'm just feeling a tad bit too happy for my own good. Lord, would that be a sad post.

CONTINUING: ...the blog. Where was I?

ENTHRALLING: MHD. That's how the cool kids refer to MTV's HD channel ...which as far as I can tell is all concerts. The amazing list of performances continues to grow and my viewing of said channel does, too. Last night ...Sting and Kid Rock.

I'm really sticking with my dental flossing. Yes. Hmmmm? I probably should get a haircut. Just trim off a little over the ears. The hair sure is looking good these days. We're making a hawaiian themed scarecrow for a neighborhood grocery store's competition. That's kinda exciting.

(spins around in desk chair, looks at ceiling, sighs)

Sorry, folks. I have to apologize. I'm a little distracted. Not what you're thinking. Let me explain. Do I want this blog to be full of riveting content? Yes. Of course. But the Donniego blog, as you know, was started by me, for me. Mainly as a quasi-daily-semi-weekly-every-now-and-then tool to free up writers block. What's that you ask? Oh ...yes ...I fancy myself a "writer." OK ...not a writer, per se, but a wanna-be writer. In my mind, I've written novels, shows, and some of the best jokes late night talk shows have ever witnessed. I wrote a best-selling foll0w-up to my first book. And because of that success, people have come out of the woodwork to ask me to work on a TV-pilot with them. And that's not to mention the 100s of scripts I've seen and been asked to collaborate on.

Have I mentioned The Secret? I might be missing the point, but I think that's the point. Think it, think it, think it and your actions will start to follow your thoughts. I've had so many successes with this, I can't count. Case in point ...popcorn. I started thinking about popcorn a few days ago and haven't been able to stop thinking about popcorn and then, last night, I had popcorn. My wife was tired of our closets and her "secret" must've been closets, closets, closets ...and ...viola!

Baby steps, yes, but what if I could actually make that work with my book? With a television pilot? I keep thinking book, book, book and book-related things keep jumping out at me. Begging me to finish it. And as I've kept these things in my mind, working on them slowly, doing a few daily affirmations (no, not the "i'm good-enough-smart-enough variety), some very real, strange things have revealed themselves to me.

So, basically, the blog, for today at least, is distracting me from the TV-show-pilot, my book, and short story I've conceptualized. I'm going to post this, have a few sips of some piping hot, organic coffee, and finish that pilot concept. I don't actually know what a TV-pilot script should look like, but I know what the TV show will look like. I'll give the concept to my fearless, tireless friend and I believe he'll make it happen. Two possible outcomes - yes ...no. But ya know what? Having tried and failed is better than never having done something at all.

I'm 34. I look back sometimes and do the old wouldda-couldda-shouldda. I think how I wasted my youth. Think of all the free-time and boundless energy I had when I was 20-24. I couldda been an intern for a network show. Couldda moved to NY. Couldda rubbed elbows with guys writing pilots and scripts. Couldda got a writing gig, myself. Couldda, couldda, couldda.

Like a man's early 20s are the end-all-be-all. Shya! Right! My timeline of life doesn't even include the first 17 years ...cuz really ...what can you do in the first 17 years? Not much without parent or guardian approval.

I can tell you what won't happen. I won't be blogging at age 50 thinking back on all the ideas and opportunity I had at 34 and never carpe'd (siezed). No ...at age 50, I'll look back fondly at the never-ending adventure that I made of my life.

Up, up, and away and kicking these closet doors open!!!

A Big, Beautiful TV Only Post

Yes, I'm making some home renovations, holding a job, raising some kids, exercising, and reading books. But considering I've watched 20-hours of TV in 3 days, its becoming apparent where my interest lies ...and why I can't focus.

WATCHING, Part 1: Heroes. To really get a feel for this weeks episodes, I'll point you to ANFTSJ or Television Without Pity. Or ...read my 400 words on the show. Before I trash it, let me say, for the record, I love this show. But, the show is walking a fine-line between Action-Adventure and Sci-Fi - which we all know is for geeks. And I'm no geek. Would a geek have as fabulous hair as I? No. Last night - and I didn't know it at the time, Heroes introduced a new character (big surprise) and apparently it was Uhura ...another Star Trek alum. She joins George Takai who was also on Star Trek. In their defense, George Takai was killed-off so the show still only has one Star Trek alum. I, however, don't believe George Takai is actually dead, so I'm going to keep the count at two. I swear, if Shatner and Nimoy show up - even in a Guy at Bus Stop Reading Paper cameo - I'll have to stop watching. No self-respecting cool-guy like myself could sleep at night watching something so geeky. Heroes, as it is, is already so geeky that I don't talk about watching it in public (unless you count a blog as "public" ...right). Sylar is back, and he did kill someone, but he did it without much flair. I was happy when someone referred to "the man with horn rimmed glasses", the director immediately cut to the man with horn rimmed glasses ...cuz I had no clue. Ned Ryerson is a bad hero. And Peter has every power, now. But he's in love. So he'll just use his powers for petty theft - if you call armed robbery "petty" ...which I do. I'm hardcore. Screw the why, how, and who, right, Peter? So you have awesome powers and your identity is sitting in a box in front of you ...that was "then" ...you're living in the "now." I almost yelled "shenanigans" at my TV screen ...but it was midnight and the kids were sleeping. And, finally, Clare's in love with a fly-guy. Yick! I just realized this show was all about love, love, love. Hiro loves a woman he can never be with, but she is falling in love with White Rice. Skitzo chick loves her son, and they both love his dead father. Peter loves that Irish bartendress. The little girl loves Mohinder (yes, he's no longer Indian Dr. Guy, I have learned his character's name), and Kinko's guy (aka Clare's Fake Dad) loves Clare. Again I say ...YICK!

WATCHING, Part 2: Chuck. Whoa! What's this ...a new set!?!? A hotel? Nice. Oh ..and a storage room with a chain link cage. Yes, the majority of scenes were still shot at Buy More and Chuck's sister's apartment, but the addition of a hotel, a hotel room, a rooftop, and a storage room shows me the writers and producers really make the best of what they have. Honestly, if my brother ran a Best Buy, I could shoot this entire show and have all the same backgrounds. I'm not sure why I'm obsessing about this small fact, but it is kinda funny. I really do have to give them all credit ...the story line is just good enough to pull it off. I like this show, it has a Season Pass, and I'll watch it every week ...but I don't think it's blog-worthy anymore.

WATCHING, Part 3: Mad Men. If this show wasn't on little-watched AMC I'd be one of way-too-many people loving the show. And, I wonder, would I like it as much? Or do I like it because I feel like its my own little super-awesome show and I'm on the cutting edge - like with my Docksiders. Is Mad Men the next Sopranos or Entourage (many articles have suggested as much), but because its not on HBO, it just hasn't taken off? And if and when AMC moves it to a sister network or to an actual broadcast network, will it jump-the-shark and will I be a Mad Men snob? I have a hunch that, a year from now, Mad Men will be plucked from AMC and it will be a smash hit with an Emmy to its name. Oh, Don Draper. You poor, misunderstood, genius, cheating, horrible, enviable, well-coifed badass! I loathe you. I want to be you. I am you. I'll never be you. If you were a real person, would you be my friend. Or would I be a real life Pete Campbell with you around? Or worse ...one of the laughing-guys who don't even show up on the radar? Two more episodes left until the fall hiatus and then it returns after Christmas. I will miss you. Who's going to jump from the building? Where's the shotgun?

WATCHING, Part 4: The Bachelor. Still funny. The best bachelor, yet. He's really pretty funny. He didn't say, "amazing" even once, last night. And ...they trotted out his twin brother to mess with the girls' heads. I love it. A few girls didn't even notice it was his twin. I'm sad the lap-dance-topless-skinny-dipping-Christian-values chick didn't get a rose. Her crazy-machine was just getting warmed up. I implore you ...if life's got you down ...watch this show.

WRITING: My buddy had a great idea for a show. So I'm writing the concept and we're going to pitch it to the networks and cable networks. We don't know what we're doing or how the whole game works, but we're gonna jump right in. We want to be famous and rich. Or at least one of the two. Also, I'm back at my book. A best selling book and a top-rated hit show will be mine in 2009. That's how The Secret works. Say it, think it, and tape a picture of it to something and it will happen.

Talk to y'all tomorrow unless something profound hits me this evening. Truth be told, I'll be organizing my closet. Ain't nothin' but a gangsta paaahtay!

A Great Hair Day

Happy Monday! Why am I so happy? Well, for one, my hair is kickin'! I'm in a zone!!!

Second, I had a great weekend. Among the highlights were This is Tom Jones, Little Miss Sunshine, football and baseball in HD, Michigan State (everything 'cept for the actual football game), apple pickin', and Mad Men.

OFFSETTING: I learned a new term this weekend ...carbon offset. The concept is that you can justify any pollution you create by planting a tree or something. I have fungus growing between my toes. Does that count? Apparently many "environmentalists" justify their multiple, huge homes and SUVs with carbon offsets. Airlines have gotten in on the act and you can feel good about flying in a plane because you can purchase a small tree sapling to offset the thousands of gallons of jet fuel a single flight uses. Like say I own a Hummer, but I planted a shrub and a pine ...I'm all set, right? I'm no scientist, but I don't think that's going to cut it. I have a 12 gallon gas tank in my Saturn. I fill it up twice a week, meaning I burn 24 gallons of gas each week. My wife fills her Buick with 30 gallons a week. I'm guessing 3 or 4 two-foot pines don't quite account for my carbon output.

ADDICTING: A new blog I heard of from Pop Candy. It's highly addictive even if it's quite sad. PostSecret is a forum where people can send in HUGE secrets and this guy, Frank Warren, posts their secrets anonymously. I want to buy his book ...grrrrrr! I can't finish the two books I have - how can I justify another one?!?!?!?

CELEBRATING: October is National Popcorn Poppin' Month. That's pretty cool and a great reason to pop popcorn while watching everything you Tivo. But I implore you ...don't use the microwave!!! Use a pot, some popcorn kernels, some cooking oil, some butter, and salt. Old school poppin', baby! Popcorn should leave your fingers greasy and your pallet dry. I haven't had a bag of microwave popcorn in 4 or 5 years and I'm not looking back. Sometimes the best things in life take more than 2 or 2 1/2 minutes until pops are 3 or more seconds apart. Wanna really pop like a pro ...two words. Whirly Pop. Yes, an old school pot and lid will work, but this'll give your routine a li'l flair. Impress your friends and family, too.

WATCHED AND WATCHING: Ran out of time to today to blog my thoughts on all the great TV and movies ...I really wanna tell you about This is Tom Jones, but suffice it to say, buy it, rent it, or get it to the top of your Netflix queue asap! More to come.

BUSYING: Monday is always a whirlwind ...Chuck, Heroes, The Bachelor, and Monday Night Football, and now the MLB playoffs. And of course there's the kids and family that just take, take, take of my time and energy (that was sarcasm for the sarcasm averse). I also have to rip and destroy my bedroom closet, paint it, and make sure its ready for a closet organization system to be installed tomorrow.

Phew! A closet organization system?!?!?!?! I know. Riveting. When MTV's Cribs goes through my house, someday, you'll be totally impressed.

What I Had for Lunch?

Is this blog becoming uninteresting?

LISTENING: Colbie Callat's "Coco." Thanks to sister Dana for the tip. This Colbie is kinda cute, her voice is pretty hot, and, oh yeah, her music is kinda catchy. Does she do anything to really separate herself from other chick-playing-guitar CDs? Not really. Final diagnosis? I don't hate it. "Tied Down" really stood-out, even over the radio friendly "Bubbly."

EATING: Maybe I'm just late to the party, but as they say ..."better late than never." Ya know how when you make bacon there's all that bacon grease? You have to poor it into a can or glass jar and then throw it away, right? How about pouring it into a glass jar and freezing it. Stay with me. Then, when you make fried or scrambled eggs, and ya know how you usually put a little butter in the bottom of the skillet to make sure nothing sticks? Well, instead, use a little dab of frozen bacon grease ...no ...I'm not kidding. It smells better, it tastes awesome, and ...well ...its awesome. Come to my house for breakfast ...I'll blow your mind!!!!

WATCHING AND LOVING: My new HDTV DirecTV box. Actually I could care less about the box, but the HD pictures. Wow! I wonder if "wow" would pass as a review in some snobby audio-videophile mag? I've had my big screen for 4 years and finally got HD. In my defense (because you're all yelling at your computer monitor, I'm sure), there wasn't much for HD programming. But DirecTV is stocked full of it and more is on the way (list/channel guide). It was installed yesterday. The highlight was a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert on MTVHD. Gimme, gimme more.

SURVIVING: Survivor is on fire. They've got nudity, sexism, religion, freaks, predators, fighting (including nude fighting - 2 birds with one stone), and I could totally see some racism before its all said and done. I was really sad Christian Chick got booted. I was looking forward to how she would square outright lying with her favorite bible verses. Frodo Boy and Blond Karen Carpenter - especially Blond Karen Carpenter - looked to be on their way out. Quite a surprise they kept Karen Carpenter around who is the real life embodiment of Montgomery Burns' weakness. If she and Mike D had a baby, it would be a pipe cleaner. Green Mile continued to dominate the physical challenges, go figure, and Weird Leader Guy got naked ...why? Not sure. Other than that, the show never really gets interesting until "the merge." But so far, so good. Oh, and I continue to marvel at the mullet on Mullet Chick ...good lord, that mullet RULZ!!!!!

Blog for One

NOTING: I know I have at least one reader who will probably read the article here regarding LOST and he'll read it two or three times. The LOST writers say they know how it will all end.

I swear I was NOT at SciFi Wire-dot-com ...I was merely redirected there.

Also, and I know my world shouldn't be so simple and shallow, this is awesome. I only wish Danny Bonaduce was taller. Watch the video ...seriously ...it will make you happy. I couldn't find the post-fight audio interview where Fairplay's face appears shattered and his jaw is wired shut. I regret that.

I must also take a moment to laud my superest guilty pleasure ...USA Today columnist Whitney Matheson's Pop Candy blog. If, like me, you want to know everything ...check it daily. Check it often.

PROCRASTINATING: Thoughts on bacon fat, HDTV, Survivor, and autumn.

Real Quick and Boring

THINKING: I don't use this blog as a political soap box. I have my political leanings, philosophy, and voting record, same as the next guy. I used to be much more "involved" - meaning, I had Hannity and Olbermann on my Tivo To Do List and I listened to Al Franken and Rush Limbaugh. Recently I heard Dennis Prager say that Limbaugh is getting unwarranted flack for saying "phony soldiers" (clip is here, upper right hand corner) and that Keith Olbermann was more hateful for hating Michael Medved for writing about myths of slavery and that Limbaugh and Medved shouldn't be fired, but Olbermann should. Oh yeah! Well, I brought the buckets and shovels and you're not playing with them (kicks sand).

Adults acting like children, I tell ya. Check that. Spoiled children posing as adults. Odd as it may seem, most adults don't act like this. Don't believe me? Go ask your neighbor for a cup of sugar. I bet she gives it to you and insists that you don't need to buy her a bag of sugar. But I bet you'll try and buy her a bag of sugar for her trouble. And I bet she'll refuse it. I know this because that is what people do. And I would bet, whether your neighbor was male, female, gay, straight, Muslim, Jew, Christian, Union, white-collar, a senior, a yuppie, single-with-no-kids, Republican, Democrat, or atheist, that you'd get the sugar.

FURTHER LISTENING: Amazingly and coincidentally, Dennis Prager's guest today was "The Death of the Grown-Up" author, Diana West. I must read this book. I want to go on record in saying when I read Prager's "Think a Second Time" back in 1995, it opened my eyes. I came away with renewed hope that there can be intelligent debate on major issues. At the time, Limbaugh was launching into the stratosphere and his approach kinda sickened me. I eagerly read Prager's other books ..."Happiness is a Serious Problem" and "Why the Jews?" I found them fascinating and enjoyed his approach. So imagine my delight when I realized he was hosting a show airing on 1400 AM, WDTK in Detroit. "Finally," I thought. "Someone who neither stands in line with the left or the right and speaks for the centrists. Sadly, while his show does break from the Hannity-Limbaugh-Ingraham-Colter formula of right-right-right-hate-the-left-Dems-libs agenda, he seems to be increasingly falling in lock step with the right. I had higher hopes for him.

But I'll keep listening and I'll read this book - though Diana West is said to have a "a hard-line conservative's interest in culture." I'll bet you she points to zero prominent conservatives, Republicans, or noted evangelists as a sign of "arrested development." I hope I'm proven wrong because the title suggests a great premise to expose the destruction caused by extremists on either side of an argument.

I argue that both Liberals, Democrats, Republicans, and Conservatives, more and more, ALL behave like children and are all a part of "bringing down Western Civilization."

I would like to create a podcast and call it The Fence. I think someone needs to stand in the middle and rail against the extreme right and extreme left. Why won't Dennis Miller make Larry Craig jokes? Why won't Bill Maher make obvious Hillary Clinton jokes? I'm tellin' ya ...this show would work.

(steps down from soap box)

GLORIFYING: Beastie Boys are in the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame!!! OK. They've been nominated (1, 2, 3). Thanks to Donniego reader, Myndi, for that heads up. I gotta get the pictures of me an my brother at their September 25th "An Evening with the Beastie Boys: A Gala Event" show at Detroit's Fillmore. The show blew me away. I made the decision to skip the hip-hop show performed Monday and go to the gala. Prime choice on my part. 90% of the people dressed to the nines. The set list was unlike any of the previous 8 Beastie shows I've attended. All instrumental, minimal DJing, and deep, deep album tracks.

Note: It wouldn't kill Mike D to eat a few more carbs. Good lord, he's skinny!

WATCHING: Oprah. Wait ...don't click away!!! Yes. I watched Oprah. It was a show dedicated to men. My wife made me watch. But, ya know what ...it was good. It was 90% penis focused. Oprah left her stage and Dr. Oz spoke to an audience of men-only. Oprah could have Oprahsized this and ruined it, but it was actually quite good. I learned alot. But mostly I learned that men could lose limbs, toes, or even an eye, but all we care about is our erections and the hair on our head. I also learned that I was happier clinging to certain myths and urban legends than actual scientific facts. I am forever changed.

ALSO, ALSO WATCHING: The Bachelor. Again, this guy is a little different. He doesn't say "amazing" nearly as much as previous bachelors and he can actually laugh at absurd behavior. This weeks magical moment? Some overly-aggressive chick planted a kiss on him mid-sentence. And it wasn't one of those movie moments where the kiss was the perfect interuption to a sexually-tense- rambling-monologue. Like, imagine your waiter planting a kiss on you while you were telling him you'd like ranch on the side. This kiss interupted the bachelor saying something about horses. Or maybe the chick just got really hot and bothered at the mention of horses? HeeeeeeyOOHHHHHHH!

HEROES: I'm glad the Marty-McFly-Under-the-Sea-Dance-Back-to-the-Future story line involving Hiro and his ancient lineage is getting resolved quickly. I'm severely disappointed that the Cheerleader, knowing she's a key cog in the universe unraveling or not unraveling, is more moronic than ever. If I told you that you were super important to saving all humanity from the forces of evil, do you think you would (a) sober up, get straight, and start to realize a greater good and develop a big-picture sense of the world, or (b) sulk, pout, and act like a shop-class-remedial-English teenager? What if I told you that after you saw people fly, detonate, and read minds? I suppose you'd have to have some context to how "super important" you are. Well ...the Cheerleader cut off her toe and the Flying Teenage Peeping Tom saw her and flew away. Hopefully they'll talk and she'll introduce him to her "father" and he can go play poker at the Kinko's with Memory Stealer guy and the other Heroes the Dad and the Indian Dr. are rounding up.

(cough) Do you want a better recap? I'll bet. Go here: ANFTSJ

NOT WATCHING: I've only talked about Cavemen for the entire summer. And I missed it. I'm under the impression that it sucked pretty hard. Sorry for using such strong jargon (mostly apologizing to family members who don't expect me to be so crass), but that's the summation of the 3 reviews I've read. And you know how I hate to mince words.

Mmmmmmmmm. Word mints. I could totally write for The Simpsons.

TIVO'ing BUT PROBABLY NOT WATCHING: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. There was a time when I might've told you this was one of my top-5 shows on TV. I really enjoyed 5 stereotype-type gay guys coaching the dirtiest and geekiest of dirty dirtballs and nerds on how to act "gay." That's if you call reading books, shaving, and tucking your shirt into your pants as "gay." I should've been insulted, yet I was entertained. I watched and learned. I started using actual shampoo instead of a single bar of soap for both my hair and body. I bought a nose-hair clipper and painted my walls with bold colors. Then I realized the show wasn't that entertaining after all and forgot about it. Well, its still on and it just launched its 5th and final season. 10-15 more shows will air and they'll check in with some of the losers from previous seasons to see if they've stayed well-groomed, kept buying 100% cotton, and picked up the crap around their apartments. Sooooooooooo exciting. Truth be told, I may not watch, but I feel I owe the Queer Eye guys at least a place on my Tivo's Now Playing list that I can watch if I'm bored.

It's Wednesday and LOST should be on. Dammit! I want my LOST and I want it now!

Monday Musings

HEY, SPORT: Sean Casey of the Tigers was told his services will not be needed next season. Tiger management told him Saturday, a day before the end of the season, even. To me, the timing of that conversation seems a bit harsh. I can only imagine he started asking Leyland and Dombrowski about moving his locker closer to the entrance so he could see the TV easier, playing his hand that his eyesight ain't what it used to be and Leyland and Dombrowski looked at each other and one said, "oh ...yeah ...well about next year." And then both kinda pointed to the other and Sean Casey was like, "are we getting more TVs?" And that made it totally hard for Leyland and Dombrowksi, cuz they like the guy and all. Neither really wanted to break it to him and if Casey had just shut up right then and there ...but ...no. Casey was all like, "NEW TVs! Oh, boy!!! Wait 'til I tell the guys," and started to run off. "Guys! Guys! -" Leyland was hoping Dombrowski would say something but that guy wasn't sayin' anything and Leyland blurted, "you're not getting picked up for next year." There were a few awkward moments followed by Sean stammering a little bit about not liking baseball too much, anyway, and that he was never really all that excited about living and playing in Detroit and, well, that it was just better that way. Dave D, never really good with words, tried to say that it was him and not Casey and the Tigers were the bad guys or something. But Sean hastily backed out of the office and was like, "is that my cell phone? It is ...I'll be right back, guys. Hold that thought." And that was that. It's gonna be weird between these three guys for a while. Too bad, really.

POLITICKING: The Michigan government shut down, then settled something, and I guess everyone is back to work. It is my understanding that services are being taxed. Will this include hair services ...cutting, shampooing, and styling? I'll have to find out. And if so, while there is no tax I wouldn't pay for a premium coif of hair, I will stand arm and arm with the stylists and barbers of this state to overturn this tax. Open up the fire hydrants. I'll stand strong (and wear a shower cap, of course).

AWFULLY SPORTING OF ME: My Spartans lost a close one ...that shouldn't have been close ..but was ...and we could've won ...even though we weren't supposed to ...but to lose that way was more heartbreaking than losing by two touchdowns. That field goal had enough leg, dang it!!! Crap, crap, crap! If they come out and hurt Northwestern next week - hurt them bad - all will be forgiven. Now that they've played so well, I expect them to win their next two. MSU fans are skitzo! Also ...I could not be less excited about the Lions being 3-1. I don't trust it. Like they say in Texas ...fool me once ...shame on ...you? Fool me twice and ...well ...I'm a Lions fan ...I'll be back next year. Ah, hell ...next week. Same time, same channel, same hopes waiting to be dashed. Let the record show ...I want to be this year's New Orleans.

WATCHED AND WATCHING: Chuck. Week 2 and I'm stuck on Chuck. My wife astutely pointed out the lack of sets. Every scene takes place in either Chuck's sister's apartment or the Buy More store. And the street. In watching the show I can tell the writers and producers were given limited funds so, instead of set design, they opted for cars for chases and, in episode 2, a helicopter. Well played. If you see a Ferrari or Porsche in any of these first few episodes, you'll see the show's creator's grand plan - if this show sucks and doesn't get picked up, he's keeping the car.

Til Tuesday.