Thursday, January 03, 2008

New Year's Hesitations

I put my boxer shorts on backwards, this morning! How does a 34-year-old man do something like that? I think I'm picking up bad habits from my 3-yr-old ...he's prone to similar mistakes. What's that? No ...I wasn't drinking last night. Perhaps it's fitting given my backwards logic on resolutions in '08.

I guess the 3rd of January is about as long as you can go before making known your New Year's Resolutions. Here goes...

RESOLVING: I resolve to not make New Year's resolutions this year. Now, now, now ...that's not a cop-out. It's a real, honest non-resolution-resolution. Rather than make a list of resolutions mapping out my pending failures (which are all that resolutions tend to be, with me), instead, when I think of something I'd like to do, I'm going to do it.

I'd like to lose 10-pounds, for good. I'd like to have defined pectoral muscles. I'd like to be able to run 3-miles. 5-miles. Maybe even 10-miles. I'd like to listen to the complete, collective works of Bob Dylan. I'd like to read Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I'd like to read Catch 22. But resolving on January 1st to do all these things is a recipe for failure, you see?

So, instead, I simply want to resolve to do things I want to do. It worked very well for me in the 2nd-half of '07. I wrote a reality show concept and pitched it to an actual Hollywood producer, I started writing on my blog more earnestly, I started writing two movie scripts and thought of a third, and I helped launch a website.

This morning I ate apple slices and a half-a-banana for breakfast. I hope I can commit to NOT hitting McDonald's or Jimmy John's at lunch - which I'm apt to do - and, instead, grab a salad and some granola.

If there's anything the 60+ self-help books have taught me over the past decade, it's this:
"Do or do not. There is no try." -Yoda
Yes, Yoda said it ...but it's as simply and accurately stated as the 15,000+ pages have attempted to say the very same things. These books all "try." The books "try" to motivate me and change me. I "try" to apply the principles. But in the end, the "try" is worthless. What I "do" is what matters.

So maybe that is my resolution ...I'll do more. I'll do more things in 2008 than I did in 2007.

LISTING: Some of the things I really hope to "do" follow:

* I'd like to do a better job at getting my money's worth from Netflix. I've had the same two movies in my possession for 2 months ...the wrong sequel of Pirates of the Carribbean and The Departed (EDIT: finally watched The Departed! Awesome. I want to call someone a "townie" or a "southie." Also, Mark Wahlberg stole that movie. He was awesome!)

* I'd like to be able to do 50 push-ups at one time.

* I'd like to start walking again ...this will be both good for me and for my dog - if she makes it. She had a slip and fall recently and is suffering with a back injury. Though I've never been a big fan of my dog, I'm sad to see her acting so old and in-pain.

* I'd like to learn about and listen to Bob Dylan.

* I'm going to create an internet hoax and forward it to everyone I know with the sole goal of having someone forward it back to me. Even better, have Snopes take the time to debunk it. I'm thinking of describing a new crime where criminals back up your dryer vent while you sleep, waiting for you to be unconscious, and then break in and steal your stuff. I'll preface it with "this is 100% true" and "my cousin is a cop in Ypsilanti, MI and he's seen this happen 5 times already this winter."

* I hope I find inspiration to, next year, write a Christmas story-slash-family Christmas card. Ever since I read David Sedaris's Holidays on Ice two years ago, I've resolved to do this. To date, none such card or story has been written. And then I go and meet the Nickel Guy and find out he's been writing stories for years and he even sent me his 2007 version ...which both entertained me and depressed me by further pointing out my lack of follow-thru.

* Finish my three screen plays - or at least write the stories - and start pitching them to people in Hollywood.

* Read one book per month.

* Use the word/verb "stomach" in place of "eat"

* Buy a laptop

* Do some stand-up comedy, again

* Make spunkybean a real, true voice on the web

* Dress myself correctly.


Myndi said...

Take it from your old pal Myn...if you eat granola, eat the low-fat kind. It's pretty high in fat and calories otherwise.

KWass said...

Yossarian lives!

If you'd keep one of those bogus resolutions, you'd know what I meant.