Trapped in the Closet

Thank goodness for a slow Tuesday night of TV. Check out the closets! See. I wasn't kidding. This, obviously, would be much more dramatic with a few "before" pictures.



How's your popcorn poppin' goin'? If you didn't have a piping hot, buttery bowl of goodness during last night's South Park or Pushing Daisies, you have no excuse not to pop some up tonight. The Office, 30 Rock, Survivor, Mad Men, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, or the MLB divisional championship series.

I get so excited just thinking about all that awesome TV each Thursday - and the accompanying popcorn.

NOT READING BUT MEANING TO, BUT WATCHING: I Am America (And So Can You). Colbert's book came out Monday. Soooo, naturally, he interviewed himself as a guest on his own show. Funny stuff (how's that for a review). Did I buy the book, you ask. Heh, eh ...well ...see ...I've got to finish these other books. Does it count that I've "started reading" 9 books this year? Or do you actually have to read them all the way through?

I should do an entire blog entry about the-books-I-almost-read, the good-intentions-and-ideas I had, the hobbies and interests I meant to pursue, and ...well ...yes, I'll totally post that when I'm just feeling a tad bit too happy for my own good. Lord, would that be a sad post.

CONTINUING: ...the blog. Where was I?

ENTHRALLING: MHD. That's how the cool kids refer to MTV's HD channel ...which as far as I can tell is all concerts. The amazing list of performances continues to grow and my viewing of said channel does, too. Last night ...Sting and Kid Rock.

I'm really sticking with my dental flossing. Yes. Hmmmm? I probably should get a haircut. Just trim off a little over the ears. The hair sure is looking good these days. We're making a hawaiian themed scarecrow for a neighborhood grocery store's competition. That's kinda exciting.

(spins around in desk chair, looks at ceiling, sighs)

Sorry, folks. I have to apologize. I'm a little distracted. Not what you're thinking. Let me explain. Do I want this blog to be full of riveting content? Yes. Of course. But the Donniego blog, as you know, was started by me, for me. Mainly as a quasi-daily-semi-weekly-every-now-and-then tool to free up writers block. What's that you ask? Oh ...yes ...I fancy myself a "writer." OK ...not a writer, per se, but a wanna-be writer. In my mind, I've written novels, shows, and some of the best jokes late night talk shows have ever witnessed. I wrote a best-selling foll0w-up to my first book. And because of that success, people have come out of the woodwork to ask me to work on a TV-pilot with them. And that's not to mention the 100s of scripts I've seen and been asked to collaborate on.

Have I mentioned The Secret? I might be missing the point, but I think that's the point. Think it, think it, think it and your actions will start to follow your thoughts. I've had so many successes with this, I can't count. Case in point ...popcorn. I started thinking about popcorn a few days ago and haven't been able to stop thinking about popcorn and then, last night, I had popcorn. My wife was tired of our closets and her "secret" must've been closets, closets, closets ...and ...viola!

Baby steps, yes, but what if I could actually make that work with my book? With a television pilot? I keep thinking book, book, book and book-related things keep jumping out at me. Begging me to finish it. And as I've kept these things in my mind, working on them slowly, doing a few daily affirmations (no, not the "i'm good-enough-smart-enough variety), some very real, strange things have revealed themselves to me.

So, basically, the blog, for today at least, is distracting me from the TV-show-pilot, my book, and short story I've conceptualized. I'm going to post this, have a few sips of some piping hot, organic coffee, and finish that pilot concept. I don't actually know what a TV-pilot script should look like, but I know what the TV show will look like. I'll give the concept to my fearless, tireless friend and I believe he'll make it happen. Two possible outcomes - yes ...no. But ya know what? Having tried and failed is better than never having done something at all.

I'm 34. I look back sometimes and do the old wouldda-couldda-shouldda. I think how I wasted my youth. Think of all the free-time and boundless energy I had when I was 20-24. I couldda been an intern for a network show. Couldda moved to NY. Couldda rubbed elbows with guys writing pilots and scripts. Couldda got a writing gig, myself. Couldda, couldda, couldda.

Like a man's early 20s are the end-all-be-all. Shya! Right! My timeline of life doesn't even include the first 17 years ...cuz really ...what can you do in the first 17 years? Not much without parent or guardian approval.

I can tell you what won't happen. I won't be blogging at age 50 thinking back on all the ideas and opportunity I had at 34 and never carpe'd (siezed). No ...at age 50, I'll look back fondly at the never-ending adventure that I made of my life.

Up, up, and away and kicking these closet doors open!!!

A Big, Beautiful TV Only Post

Yes, I'm making some home renovations, holding a job, raising some kids, exercising, and reading books. But considering I've watched 20-hours of TV in 3 days, its becoming apparent where my interest lies ...and why I can't focus.

WATCHING, Part 1: Heroes. To really get a feel for this weeks episodes, I'll point you to ANFTSJ or Television Without Pity. Or ...read my 400 words on the show. Before I trash it, let me say, for the record, I love this show. But, the show is walking a fine-line between Action-Adventure and Sci-Fi - which we all know is for geeks. And I'm no geek. Would a geek have as fabulous hair as I? No. Last night - and I didn't know it at the time, Heroes introduced a new character (big surprise) and apparently it was Uhura ...another Star Trek alum. She joins George Takai who was also on Star Trek. In their defense, George Takai was killed-off so the show still only has one Star Trek alum. I, however, don't believe George Takai is actually dead, so I'm going to keep the count at two. I swear, if Shatner and Nimoy show up - even in a Guy at Bus Stop Reading Paper cameo - I'll have to stop watching. No self-respecting cool-guy like myself could sleep at night watching something so geeky. Heroes, as it is, is already so geeky that I don't talk about watching it in public (unless you count a blog as "public" ...right). Sylar is back, and he did kill someone, but he did it without much flair. I was happy when someone referred to "the man with horn rimmed glasses", the director immediately cut to the man with horn rimmed glasses ...cuz I had no clue. Ned Ryerson is a bad hero. And Peter has every power, now. But he's in love. So he'll just use his powers for petty theft - if you call armed robbery "petty" ...which I do. I'm hardcore. Screw the why, how, and who, right, Peter? So you have awesome powers and your identity is sitting in a box in front of you ...that was "then" ...you're living in the "now." I almost yelled "shenanigans" at my TV screen ...but it was midnight and the kids were sleeping. And, finally, Clare's in love with a fly-guy. Yick! I just realized this show was all about love, love, love. Hiro loves a woman he can never be with, but she is falling in love with White Rice. Skitzo chick loves her son, and they both love his dead father. Peter loves that Irish bartendress. The little girl loves Mohinder (yes, he's no longer Indian Dr. Guy, I have learned his character's name), and Kinko's guy (aka Clare's Fake Dad) loves Clare. Again I say ...YICK!

WATCHING, Part 2: Chuck. Whoa! What's this ...a new set!?!? A hotel? Nice. Oh ..and a storage room with a chain link cage. Yes, the majority of scenes were still shot at Buy More and Chuck's sister's apartment, but the addition of a hotel, a hotel room, a rooftop, and a storage room shows me the writers and producers really make the best of what they have. Honestly, if my brother ran a Best Buy, I could shoot this entire show and have all the same backgrounds. I'm not sure why I'm obsessing about this small fact, but it is kinda funny. I really do have to give them all credit ...the story line is just good enough to pull it off. I like this show, it has a Season Pass, and I'll watch it every week ...but I don't think it's blog-worthy anymore.

WATCHING, Part 3: Mad Men. If this show wasn't on little-watched AMC I'd be one of way-too-many people loving the show. And, I wonder, would I like it as much? Or do I like it because I feel like its my own little super-awesome show and I'm on the cutting edge - like with my Docksiders. Is Mad Men the next Sopranos or Entourage (many articles have suggested as much), but because its not on HBO, it just hasn't taken off? And if and when AMC moves it to a sister network or to an actual broadcast network, will it jump-the-shark and will I be a Mad Men snob? I have a hunch that, a year from now, Mad Men will be plucked from AMC and it will be a smash hit with an Emmy to its name. Oh, Don Draper. You poor, misunderstood, genius, cheating, horrible, enviable, well-coifed badass! I loathe you. I want to be you. I am you. I'll never be you. If you were a real person, would you be my friend. Or would I be a real life Pete Campbell with you around? Or worse ...one of the laughing-guys who don't even show up on the radar? Two more episodes left until the fall hiatus and then it returns after Christmas. I will miss you. Who's going to jump from the building? Where's the shotgun?

WATCHING, Part 4: The Bachelor. Still funny. The best bachelor, yet. He's really pretty funny. He didn't say, "amazing" even once, last night. And ...they trotted out his twin brother to mess with the girls' heads. I love it. A few girls didn't even notice it was his twin. I'm sad the lap-dance-topless-skinny-dipping-Christian-values chick didn't get a rose. Her crazy-machine was just getting warmed up. I implore you ...if life's got you down ...watch this show.

WRITING: My buddy had a great idea for a show. So I'm writing the concept and we're going to pitch it to the networks and cable networks. We don't know what we're doing or how the whole game works, but we're gonna jump right in. We want to be famous and rich. Or at least one of the two. Also, I'm back at my book. A best selling book and a top-rated hit show will be mine in 2009. That's how The Secret works. Say it, think it, and tape a picture of it to something and it will happen.

Talk to y'all tomorrow unless something profound hits me this evening. Truth be told, I'll be organizing my closet. Ain't nothin' but a gangsta paaahtay!

A Great Hair Day

Happy Monday! Why am I so happy? Well, for one, my hair is kickin'! I'm in a zone!!!

Second, I had a great weekend. Among the highlights were This is Tom Jones, Little Miss Sunshine, football and baseball in HD, Michigan State (everything 'cept for the actual football game), apple pickin', and Mad Men.

OFFSETTING: I learned a new term this weekend ...carbon offset. The concept is that you can justify any pollution you create by planting a tree or something. I have fungus growing between my toes. Does that count? Apparently many "environmentalists" justify their multiple, huge homes and SUVs with carbon offsets. Airlines have gotten in on the act and you can feel good about flying in a plane because you can purchase a small tree sapling to offset the thousands of gallons of jet fuel a single flight uses. Like say I own a Hummer, but I planted a shrub and a pine ...I'm all set, right? I'm no scientist, but I don't think that's going to cut it. I have a 12 gallon gas tank in my Saturn. I fill it up twice a week, meaning I burn 24 gallons of gas each week. My wife fills her Buick with 30 gallons a week. I'm guessing 3 or 4 two-foot pines don't quite account for my carbon output.

ADDICTING: A new blog I heard of from Pop Candy. It's highly addictive even if it's quite sad. PostSecret is a forum where people can send in HUGE secrets and this guy, Frank Warren, posts their secrets anonymously. I want to buy his book ...grrrrrr! I can't finish the two books I have - how can I justify another one?!?!?!?

CELEBRATING: October is National Popcorn Poppin' Month. That's pretty cool and a great reason to pop popcorn while watching everything you Tivo. But I implore you ...don't use the microwave!!! Use a pot, some popcorn kernels, some cooking oil, some butter, and salt. Old school poppin', baby! Popcorn should leave your fingers greasy and your pallet dry. I haven't had a bag of microwave popcorn in 4 or 5 years and I'm not looking back. Sometimes the best things in life take more than 2 or 2 1/2 minutes until pops are 3 or more seconds apart. Wanna really pop like a pro ...two words. Whirly Pop. Yes, an old school pot and lid will work, but this'll give your routine a li'l flair. Impress your friends and family, too.

WATCHED AND WATCHING: Ran out of time to today to blog my thoughts on all the great TV and movies ...I really wanna tell you about This is Tom Jones, but suffice it to say, buy it, rent it, or get it to the top of your Netflix queue asap! More to come.

BUSYING: Monday is always a whirlwind ...Chuck, Heroes, The Bachelor, and Monday Night Football, and now the MLB playoffs. And of course there's the kids and family that just take, take, take of my time and energy (that was sarcasm for the sarcasm averse). I also have to rip and destroy my bedroom closet, paint it, and make sure its ready for a closet organization system to be installed tomorrow.

Phew! A closet organization system?!?!?!?! I know. Riveting. When MTV's Cribs goes through my house, someday, you'll be totally impressed.

What I Had for Lunch?

Is this blog becoming uninteresting?

LISTENING: Colbie Callat's "Coco." Thanks to sister Dana for the tip. This Colbie is kinda cute, her voice is pretty hot, and, oh yeah, her music is kinda catchy. Does she do anything to really separate herself from other chick-playing-guitar CDs? Not really. Final diagnosis? I don't hate it. "Tied Down" really stood-out, even over the radio friendly "Bubbly."

EATING: Maybe I'm just late to the party, but as they say ..."better late than never." Ya know how when you make bacon there's all that bacon grease? You have to poor it into a can or glass jar and then throw it away, right? How about pouring it into a glass jar and freezing it. Stay with me. Then, when you make fried or scrambled eggs, and ya know how you usually put a little butter in the bottom of the skillet to make sure nothing sticks? Well, instead, use a little dab of frozen bacon grease ...no ...I'm not kidding. It smells better, it tastes awesome, and ...well ...its awesome. Come to my house for breakfast ...I'll blow your mind!!!!

WATCHING AND LOVING: My new HDTV DirecTV box. Actually I could care less about the box, but the HD pictures. Wow! I wonder if "wow" would pass as a review in some snobby audio-videophile mag? I've had my big screen for 4 years and finally got HD. In my defense (because you're all yelling at your computer monitor, I'm sure), there wasn't much for HD programming. But DirecTV is stocked full of it and more is on the way (list/channel guide). It was installed yesterday. The highlight was a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert on MTVHD. Gimme, gimme more.

SURVIVING: Survivor is on fire. They've got nudity, sexism, religion, freaks, predators, fighting (including nude fighting - 2 birds with one stone), and I could totally see some racism before its all said and done. I was really sad Christian Chick got booted. I was looking forward to how she would square outright lying with her favorite bible verses. Frodo Boy and Blond Karen Carpenter - especially Blond Karen Carpenter - looked to be on their way out. Quite a surprise they kept Karen Carpenter around who is the real life embodiment of Montgomery Burns' weakness. If she and Mike D had a baby, it would be a pipe cleaner. Green Mile continued to dominate the physical challenges, go figure, and Weird Leader Guy got naked ...why? Not sure. Other than that, the show never really gets interesting until "the merge." But so far, so good. Oh, and I continue to marvel at the mullet on Mullet Chick ...good lord, that mullet RULZ!!!!!

Blog for One

NOTING: I know I have at least one reader who will probably read the article here regarding LOST and he'll read it two or three times. The LOST writers say they know how it will all end.

I swear I was NOT at SciFi Wire-dot-com ...I was merely redirected there.

Also, and I know my world shouldn't be so simple and shallow, this is awesome. I only wish Danny Bonaduce was taller. Watch the video ...seriously ...it will make you happy. I couldn't find the post-fight audio interview where Fairplay's face appears shattered and his jaw is wired shut. I regret that.

I must also take a moment to laud my superest guilty pleasure ...USA Today columnist Whitney Matheson's Pop Candy blog. If, like me, you want to know everything ...check it daily. Check it often.

PROCRASTINATING: Thoughts on bacon fat, HDTV, Survivor, and autumn.

Real Quick and Boring

THINKING: I don't use this blog as a political soap box. I have my political leanings, philosophy, and voting record, same as the next guy. I used to be much more "involved" - meaning, I had Hannity and Olbermann on my Tivo To Do List and I listened to Al Franken and Rush Limbaugh. Recently I heard Dennis Prager say that Limbaugh is getting unwarranted flack for saying "phony soldiers" (clip is here, upper right hand corner) and that Keith Olbermann was more hateful for hating Michael Medved for writing about myths of slavery and that Limbaugh and Medved shouldn't be fired, but Olbermann should. Oh yeah! Well, I brought the buckets and shovels and you're not playing with them (kicks sand).

Adults acting like children, I tell ya. Check that. Spoiled children posing as adults. Odd as it may seem, most adults don't act like this. Don't believe me? Go ask your neighbor for a cup of sugar. I bet she gives it to you and insists that you don't need to buy her a bag of sugar. But I bet you'll try and buy her a bag of sugar for her trouble. And I bet she'll refuse it. I know this because that is what people do. And I would bet, whether your neighbor was male, female, gay, straight, Muslim, Jew, Christian, Union, white-collar, a senior, a yuppie, single-with-no-kids, Republican, Democrat, or atheist, that you'd get the sugar.

FURTHER LISTENING: Amazingly and coincidentally, Dennis Prager's guest today was "The Death of the Grown-Up" author, Diana West. I must read this book. I want to go on record in saying when I read Prager's "Think a Second Time" back in 1995, it opened my eyes. I came away with renewed hope that there can be intelligent debate on major issues. At the time, Limbaugh was launching into the stratosphere and his approach kinda sickened me. I eagerly read Prager's other books ..."Happiness is a Serious Problem" and "Why the Jews?" I found them fascinating and enjoyed his approach. So imagine my delight when I realized he was hosting a show airing on 1400 AM, WDTK in Detroit. "Finally," I thought. "Someone who neither stands in line with the left or the right and speaks for the centrists. Sadly, while his show does break from the Hannity-Limbaugh-Ingraham-Colter formula of right-right-right-hate-the-left-Dems-libs agenda, he seems to be increasingly falling in lock step with the right. I had higher hopes for him.

But I'll keep listening and I'll read this book - though Diana West is said to have a "a hard-line conservative's interest in culture." I'll bet you she points to zero prominent conservatives, Republicans, or noted evangelists as a sign of "arrested development." I hope I'm proven wrong because the title suggests a great premise to expose the destruction caused by extremists on either side of an argument.

I argue that both Liberals, Democrats, Republicans, and Conservatives, more and more, ALL behave like children and are all a part of "bringing down Western Civilization."

I would like to create a podcast and call it The Fence. I think someone needs to stand in the middle and rail against the extreme right and extreme left. Why won't Dennis Miller make Larry Craig jokes? Why won't Bill Maher make obvious Hillary Clinton jokes? I'm tellin' ya ...this show would work.

(steps down from soap box)

GLORIFYING: Beastie Boys are in the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame!!! OK. They've been nominated (1, 2, 3). Thanks to Donniego reader, Myndi, for that heads up. I gotta get the pictures of me an my brother at their September 25th "An Evening with the Beastie Boys: A Gala Event" show at Detroit's Fillmore. The show blew me away. I made the decision to skip the hip-hop show performed Monday and go to the gala. Prime choice on my part. 90% of the people dressed to the nines. The set list was unlike any of the previous 8 Beastie shows I've attended. All instrumental, minimal DJing, and deep, deep album tracks.

Note: It wouldn't kill Mike D to eat a few more carbs. Good lord, he's skinny!

WATCHING: Oprah. Wait ...don't click away!!! Yes. I watched Oprah. It was a show dedicated to men. My wife made me watch. But, ya know what ...it was good. It was 90% penis focused. Oprah left her stage and Dr. Oz spoke to an audience of men-only. Oprah could have Oprahsized this and ruined it, but it was actually quite good. I learned alot. But mostly I learned that men could lose limbs, toes, or even an eye, but all we care about is our erections and the hair on our head. I also learned that I was happier clinging to certain myths and urban legends than actual scientific facts. I am forever changed.

ALSO, ALSO WATCHING: The Bachelor. Again, this guy is a little different. He doesn't say "amazing" nearly as much as previous bachelors and he can actually laugh at absurd behavior. This weeks magical moment? Some overly-aggressive chick planted a kiss on him mid-sentence. And it wasn't one of those movie moments where the kiss was the perfect interuption to a sexually-tense- rambling-monologue. Like, imagine your waiter planting a kiss on you while you were telling him you'd like ranch on the side. This kiss interupted the bachelor saying something about horses. Or maybe the chick just got really hot and bothered at the mention of horses? HeeeeeeyOOHHHHHHH!

HEROES: I'm glad the Marty-McFly-Under-the-Sea-Dance-Back-to-the-Future story line involving Hiro and his ancient lineage is getting resolved quickly. I'm severely disappointed that the Cheerleader, knowing she's a key cog in the universe unraveling or not unraveling, is more moronic than ever. If I told you that you were super important to saving all humanity from the forces of evil, do you think you would (a) sober up, get straight, and start to realize a greater good and develop a big-picture sense of the world, or (b) sulk, pout, and act like a shop-class-remedial-English teenager? What if I told you that after you saw people fly, detonate, and read minds? I suppose you'd have to have some context to how "super important" you are. Well ...the Cheerleader cut off her toe and the Flying Teenage Peeping Tom saw her and flew away. Hopefully they'll talk and she'll introduce him to her "father" and he can go play poker at the Kinko's with Memory Stealer guy and the other Heroes the Dad and the Indian Dr. are rounding up.

(cough) Do you want a better recap? I'll bet. Go here: ANFTSJ

NOT WATCHING: I've only talked about Cavemen for the entire summer. And I missed it. I'm under the impression that it sucked pretty hard. Sorry for using such strong jargon (mostly apologizing to family members who don't expect me to be so crass), but that's the summation of the 3 reviews I've read. And you know how I hate to mince words.

Mmmmmmmmm. Word mints. I could totally write for The Simpsons.

TIVO'ing BUT PROBABLY NOT WATCHING: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. There was a time when I might've told you this was one of my top-5 shows on TV. I really enjoyed 5 stereotype-type gay guys coaching the dirtiest and geekiest of dirty dirtballs and nerds on how to act "gay." That's if you call reading books, shaving, and tucking your shirt into your pants as "gay." I should've been insulted, yet I was entertained. I watched and learned. I started using actual shampoo instead of a single bar of soap for both my hair and body. I bought a nose-hair clipper and painted my walls with bold colors. Then I realized the show wasn't that entertaining after all and forgot about it. Well, its still on and it just launched its 5th and final season. 10-15 more shows will air and they'll check in with some of the losers from previous seasons to see if they've stayed well-groomed, kept buying 100% cotton, and picked up the crap around their apartments. Sooooooooooo exciting. Truth be told, I may not watch, but I feel I owe the Queer Eye guys at least a place on my Tivo's Now Playing list that I can watch if I'm bored.

It's Wednesday and LOST should be on. Dammit! I want my LOST and I want it now!

Monday Musings

HEY, SPORT: Sean Casey of the Tigers was told his services will not be needed next season. Tiger management told him Saturday, a day before the end of the season, even. To me, the timing of that conversation seems a bit harsh. I can only imagine he started asking Leyland and Dombrowski about moving his locker closer to the entrance so he could see the TV easier, playing his hand that his eyesight ain't what it used to be and Leyland and Dombrowski looked at each other and one said, "oh ...yeah ...well about next year." And then both kinda pointed to the other and Sean Casey was like, "are we getting more TVs?" And that made it totally hard for Leyland and Dombrowksi, cuz they like the guy and all. Neither really wanted to break it to him and if Casey had just shut up right then and there ...but ...no. Casey was all like, "NEW TVs! Oh, boy!!! Wait 'til I tell the guys," and started to run off. "Guys! Guys! -" Leyland was hoping Dombrowski would say something but that guy wasn't sayin' anything and Leyland blurted, "you're not getting picked up for next year." There were a few awkward moments followed by Sean stammering a little bit about not liking baseball too much, anyway, and that he was never really all that excited about living and playing in Detroit and, well, that it was just better that way. Dave D, never really good with words, tried to say that it was him and not Casey and the Tigers were the bad guys or something. But Sean hastily backed out of the office and was like, "is that my cell phone? It is ...I'll be right back, guys. Hold that thought." And that was that. It's gonna be weird between these three guys for a while. Too bad, really.

POLITICKING: The Michigan government shut down, then settled something, and I guess everyone is back to work. It is my understanding that services are being taxed. Will this include hair services ...cutting, shampooing, and styling? I'll have to find out. And if so, while there is no tax I wouldn't pay for a premium coif of hair, I will stand arm and arm with the stylists and barbers of this state to overturn this tax. Open up the fire hydrants. I'll stand strong (and wear a shower cap, of course).

AWFULLY SPORTING OF ME: My Spartans lost a close one ...that shouldn't have been close ..but was ...and we could've won ...even though we weren't supposed to ...but to lose that way was more heartbreaking than losing by two touchdowns. That field goal had enough leg, dang it!!! Crap, crap, crap! If they come out and hurt Northwestern next week - hurt them bad - all will be forgiven. Now that they've played so well, I expect them to win their next two. MSU fans are skitzo! Also ...I could not be less excited about the Lions being 3-1. I don't trust it. Like they say in Texas ...fool me once ...shame on ...you? Fool me twice and ...well ...I'm a Lions fan ...I'll be back next year. Ah, hell ...next week. Same time, same channel, same hopes waiting to be dashed. Let the record show ...I want to be this year's New Orleans.

WATCHED AND WATCHING: Chuck. Week 2 and I'm stuck on Chuck. My wife astutely pointed out the lack of sets. Every scene takes place in either Chuck's sister's apartment or the Buy More store. And the street. In watching the show I can tell the writers and producers were given limited funds so, instead of set design, they opted for cars for chases and, in episode 2, a helicopter. Well played. If you see a Ferrari or Porsche in any of these first few episodes, you'll see the show's creator's grand plan - if this show sucks and doesn't get picked up, he's keeping the car.

Til Tuesday.

Anger Issues

I just read that NBC is debuting a show called Phenomenon, starring Criss Angel and mentalist Uri Geller. They'll be searching for the "next great mentalist." This makes me so angry I have a good mind to take up smoking and smoke 10 cigarettes in a row and angrily smash each cigarette out in an ash tray.

I hate Criss Angel ...starting with the way he spells his name and ending with his retarded magic.

Maybe its a sad statement that this has ruined my day, but it has.

Dammit!!! His face will never be on my TV screen. EVER!!! (smashes cigarette butt in ashtray on corner of desk).

Note: I'm going to add more stage directions to my blog entries ...I think that'll be a nice effect.

Criss Angel is a fraud, to the core. He is to magic what Dane Cook and Carlos Mencia are to comedy (though I really think Dane Cook is funny, sue me). And now Criss has a show called Phenomenon which, I guess, means that's what he is? Screw that. Gimme Blain any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

I want to go to one of his stage shows and boo until my voice goes hoarse. I don't think he even has stage shows ...cuz he's a total fake!!!!!!!!!

Granted, if he walks into my office right now and levitates ...well, I'll take it all back. But he won't, cuz he can't. He sucks.

Come on, NBC. You have a real shot to gain some ground on the other networks, right now. Don't do this. You see, NBC, I'm rooting for your comeback? Why? I don't know. But I came of age when The Cosby Show led into Family Ties which led into Cheers which led into Night Court. You were the top dog. No one could touch you. You had the NFL. You had the NBA. You were the cock of the walk - or peacock of the walk, if you will. I don't like that you've fallen so far. I feel sad that still images of great scenes from CSI airing on CBS could get better ratings than many/most of your shows. So when you have Heroes and The Office, and now Chuck, I think, "this might be the beginning of their comeback." And then you team up with Criss Angel showing that you are still floundering. Nobody likes Criss Angel. Well, not enough that it'll get you any ratings. What next? The OJ Simpson Variety Hour? Trust me ...Angel is just as horrible.

Grrrrr. I need some coffee.

What's a Blog to Do?

FUTURE LISTENING: Brian Setzer has a new CD coming out. Sounds cool ...if you define cool as putting words to classical music masterpieces, but spiced up with a jazzy beat. I'm buying it. I don't care what you say.

NEW SHOWS: My wife and I like Chuck. It's apparently a brainstorm that happened while the show's creator was watching 40 Year Old Virgin. He must've said, "this is far too heavy on humor and not on action. I think the best show ever would be 40 Year Old Matrix." And then, I assume, he wrote the pilot and the rest is history. My geeky college buddies like it, as do I. I also like the show because I know the main characters name. Chuck, right? Right.

HEROES: That's right ...it gets a whole dateline to itself. That's how much I like Heroes. Finally got around to watchin' it last night (Wednesday). I'm sure there's plenty of sites that'll review it, name the characters by name, and remember all the subtle story lines. Namely ANFTSJ. Glad to see Groundhog Days' Ned Ryerson getting some work. Don't say you don't remember him, cuz he sure as heck fire remembers you. Ned... Ryerson. "Needlenose Ned"? "Ned the Head"? C'mon, buddy. Case Western High. He did the whistling belly-button trick at the high school talent show? Bing. Ned Ryerson, got the shingles real bad senior year, almost didn't graduate? Bing, again. Ned Ryerson, I dated your sister Mary Pat a couple of times until you told me not to anymore? Well?

I don't like that Hiro has been turned into Marty McFly, either. After all he did and learned last year, and now with his father dying - like I believe anyone's dead on this show, ever - you'd think his character would have a greater goal than to make his ancient parents kiss on some Under the Sea themed dance floor. I mean, he even met his future-self last season and Hiro obviously has potential bad-assedness in him ...so this Back to the Future story line bothers me.

And that concludes my notable review of the Heroes return. Oh, and is that guy in the box at the end the brother who blew up in space? I'll find out. Don't get me wrong, I'm watching. I love the show ...I just hate when writers treat me like a chump. The writers of this show, I have to say, are the luckiest writers on TV. If they're stumped for a story, they can just make-up a new character. Lucky them. And so we have a mass-murdering immigrant (is that a political statement?) and a King Midas. Who knew?

MORE BRIEFS: The Bachelor could be good. My household gave up on this show a season or two, ago. Somehow it showed up on our TV Monday evening and we watched the whole thing. Why I'll watch, you ask? This bachelor appears to have a sense of humor and he was able to laugh at the absurd behavior of some of the bachelorettes on the first night. One chick, in an attempt to "wow" him, showed him her webbed toes. Yes. I'm serious. She didn't get a rose. I sat disgusted for most of the hour-and-a-half and said to my wife the only way I'll watch this dang show is if they preview the season and show us an ambulance. They did. I set the season pass that very moment.

Tonight we get The Office, more Survivor, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and Mad Men. Even with Tivo and skipping commercials, this is a daunting task. It may take me most of the weekend to watch it all - cuz I don't even wanna think about The Daily Shows and Colbert Reports I haven't seen. But I'm committed and will persevere.

What are my kids' names, again?

My Six Senses

LISTENING: Fall Out Boy's "From Under the Cork Tree" and "Infinity on High" morning, noon, and night. And for those who know me, that's not an exaggeration. I'm going to their show in November ...gotta make sure I can sing along instead of just standing there feeling "too old."

WATCHING: "Heroes" tonight! Can't wait. I'm not one of those geeks who followed any summer hiatus crap, so as far as I know, Hero is in old Asia and the bad guy who steals power from other heroes got away. And the mayor (or was he a Senator) flew into space and blew up. What up with that?

ALSO WATCHING: "Mad Men." I never got into "The Soprano's", but I hear this is kinda like that. I LOVE this show. I want to be Don Draper. I'm going at lunch to buy Brylcreem. Also watching "Survivor." It usually takes me a few episodes to decide if it'll be a good cast ...not this time. Took me all of 15 minutes to know this is gonna be AWESOME! My real quick takes ... hillbilly guy had to go and I'm glad he's gone. Ultra-Christian chick is in love with Green Mile guy. This could be fun to watch. It didn't even take her 3 days to realize she'd like to eat of the fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden. Annoying-New-York-Anorexic chick, I hope, gets eaten by a panda.

ALSO, ALSO WATCHING: "Family Guy's" spoof of "Star Wars" is the last spoof on this movie that ever needs to be made. I had 6 guffaw-type, lose-my-breath, belly laughs and at least a dozen additional laughs (of the "out loud") variety. Brilliant.

I'LL WATCH ANYTHING ONCE: "Chuck" and "Journeyman." I feel like I'm grasping to find something to entertain me whilst I wait for "Jericho," "LOST," and "American Idol." to return after the first of the year. One thing is for sure, I had better have my books read, my chores done, and anything else I'd like to do in the evenings finished by January '08. Why? Because the afore mentioned three shows will be back, as will Mad Men, Greek, Amazing Race, and all my regular shows (see Tivo list at right)

NOT WATCHING: "Kid Nation". The summer's news stories and controversy were more entertaining than the show can ever be. It didn't take more than 10 minutes for me to stop watching. Kids say the darndest things ...that writers tell them to say while their parents stand just off camera coaching them. The network will deny it, of course, but this is as phony and staged as any reality show I've ever seen. In fact, no. It's NOT a reality show. It's actually a play. A children's play. And we all know that children like to put on plays and we all know that they suck (like the ones you see at elementary schools or church around the holidays). Hence, this sucks.

THINKING: I'm going on the Super Model-Coffee-and-Cigarette diet. Except I don't smoke. So I'm just gonna drink coffee morning, noon, and night and drink lots of water and eat ice chips. Before all is said and done, I'm gonna look like the lead singer of Maroon 5, so help me.

I read that Britney's ex-bodyguard testified she's an unfit parent. It's not bad enough that Congressmen can't trust prostitutes anymore, but now fast-lane-wild-life super-celebs can't trust bodyguards? At least I know I can still trust my shoe-shine guy. Some things are still sacred.

The War

No. Not "that war." I mean the classic battle for land. The battle shared between neighbors. Even friendly ones.

Last year my angry-ol'-neighbor decided she was sick of edging her lawn along the fence line, was tired of grass growing up the fence, and sprayed veggie kill along the entire fence line. But instead of a controlled 1-inch kill, it became an 8-inch wide spans of dead grass running the entire fence line. And this season, in its place, weeds grew. I've seethed for nearly 14 months. So, this past weekend, I reclaimed this swatch of earth. I raked and loosened the soil, I covered the loosed earth with enriched top soil, and I planted grass seed. Lots of it. I could feel her cold, angry stare from between her mini-binds as I worked to replenish this long dormant green space. Even li'l Jimmy donned mini garden gloves and helped me spread seed - even at age 3, he knows how good it feels to enact revenge on a nosy, budinski neighbor. Additionally, I plan to tell her about a limb on her large maple tree that, "makes me nervous." It's actually kinda cruel what I'm doing, but trust me ...it's worth it.

Note: She really is a nice lady and we adore her. I'm just sayin'.

Updates to follow. Maybe even pictures.

Summer? I Hardly Know 'er!

Autumn Resolutions: The sucky thing about New Year Resolutions are that they only come once a year. So you only have once a year to bight off more than you can chew and fail miserably at what you envisioned for yourself.

Note: Good thing about a blog is that you have an online reminder for you and all your friends and family to be disappointed in.

So, because of this New Year Resolution limitation, I've created (for myself) additional days throughout the year to turn over a new leaf and start anew. Like Fast Forward February. Or Spring's Solemn Vow (on the first day of spring). Summer Solstice Startover - when better to really start working out, reading great literature, and being nice to people than the longest day of the year? Knowing that each day that follows is slightly shorter and eventually is swallowed by darkness ...like your/my good intentions. And this week ...the Fall Fix-Up. This is where I take the shambles and scattered remains of a year's worth of good intentions and make one last gasp at achieving goals and making a better Don for the world to enjoy.

Among the lofty goals of my Fall Fix-Up are blog more regularly (especially the Kowalewski blog), really, really try and get my book published, do some stand-up, again (I've got quite a few hilarious observations and one-liners dying to be heard), really, really lose weight, use a larger font size on my blogs, read three books before Thanksgiving, and floss every day. I have quite a few more ...like quit blogging at work -