Surviving Monday

I really need a day off. I'd like to hunker down in a coffee shop with a laptop, cell phone, ipod, and a scarf tied around my neck paired with an off-white waffle shirt while firing away at the computer and my blogs. What are these people doing? They must be blogging, right? Whenever I run screaming from my office and hit a Caribou or Starbucks for a quick time-out, there's at least a dozen people in there, sitting alone, cranking away at something. 11am, 2pm, 4:15pm, or 9:40pm ...they're always there. What's happened in this world that I no longer inspire to be the briefcase laden, suit wearin', cell-phone talkin', blackberry typin', flashy car drivin' guy from the movie, but instead I want to be the lamenting, anti-social, misfit, lonely coffee shop lap-top guy?

I'll get to the much anticipated Survivor thoughts. Worry not. If you simply can't wait for something to read that effects nothing and serves the purpose of distracting you from the job you hate and might not have if the economy gets any worse, look no further than spunkybean.

Have I mentioned spunkybean?

Not that I'm required to punch-in and punch-out, but it's 6:57am and I've been hammering away at the PC since 5:50am. The coffee pot is empty, I think I hear little foot steps upstairs, I still have a job I need to get ready for, and I didn't even touch the 4 things I wanted to write about, this morning.

Just know there's more on the way. An Alvin & the Chipmunks movie review, an angry diatribe on Survivor and Todd's ridiculous hair, something on my family's blog, and more.

In the meantime, if you need me, I'll be hangin' in my local Caribou with my new best friends ...the friends whose names I don't know, don't speak to nor interact with, and feeling self important.

Sickened on Saturday

I got up early on Saturday to check scores, drink a little coffee and have some "me time" ...instead ...a loved one forwraded me this...

More Gift Ideas

I sure hope the adoring fans of Don realize that shipping gifts this time of year tends to take a bit longer than normal. I'm just sayin' I haven't received anything and I want to make sure all my readers can call FedEx or UPS and give them the tracking number and figure out what the heck's going on.

Here's another book I'd like to read...
As I think I've stated many times, I began reading about 70 or 80 books in 2007 and finished, oh, like 4. So, this book would be perfect. One. I like to be stylish. Two. It seems like a picture book and I could totally finish it.

I'm starting small. A book of Chuck Norris one-line jokes and a picture book ...of a man ...oh, crap!

Wu, Wu, Wu, Wu!!!

PRE-AMBLING: This post will accomplish 3-things. One. Tell you I reviewed Wu-Tang Clan's newest CD over at spunkybean. Two. Plug spunkybean. Three. Briefly talk about Survivor!.

RE-DIRECTING: To spunkybean. Here I've reviewed the latest Wu-Tang CD, 8 Diagrams. It will be the last Wu-Tang CD I'll review because I can't imagine they'll ever get back together and make an album. And I'm OK with that. Plus, I was luke-warm on this effort and just won't spend the money on any future Wu-Tang CDs. I say that, now.

PIMPING: spunkybean. Seriously ...yesterday's original piece, "Chewbacca: The Final Interview" is the best we've posted, so far. I fell in with a group of talented, funny writers I hope will rub-off on me. This is a stellar effort.

SURVIVOR: My brother texted me that Mullet-Fu is actually a genius. No, sir. I'm not buying it. I'm still convinced she thinks Elf Boy and Skeleton Girl have her back. Was it smart to keep the super-villain duo and get rid of Figi? Or is it Pigi? P - G? Yes. Cuz if you find yourself in the final two with any of the three left in the game, you'll win. But Mullet-Fu ain't makin' it to the final three. Unless she wins immunity - which won't happen if another bird fetus is presented as a meal - she's gone. The remaining survivors are well aware of her harmlessness and will NEVER pick her into the final two. Never.

Mullet-Fu should have kept P-G. Period. Should've taken Blurred-Butt Girl (why is her butt blurred in every scene ...can America's TV viewing world not handle an exposed butt cheek?), to the reward. She should've left Elf and Skeletor on the beach to seethe and plot. And then she should've convinced Blurred-Butt and PG to vote Elf and Skeletor out of the game.

Now? Mullet-Fu has no chance. She's gone, next week.

I'm glad I have a blog to permanently record how much I hate this show. Well, this season, at least. I'm still not entirely convinced Skeleton Girl will make it until this Sunday's finale before she completely shrinks into nothingness.

I give Elf Boy credit, though. He's fully aware of his jackassery. He long-ago abandoned any hope of finding respect or admiration from the jury and now he's just playing the odds. Odds are he can beat the more-hopeless Skeletor and he's going to do everything he can to ensure her skinny buddy is with her on Sunday night to weather the brutal questions and judgements that await them on the jury.

That was a long sentence. These 60-hours until the finale will be long. The days, weeks, and months that follow until the January premieres will be an eternity.

Blake Cares and Thanks Me

Its impressive when the owner of a bar or restaurant thanks you for coming to his establishment and asks that you, "come again." When the host of a party does it, its classy.

Well, Blake Lewis ain't just some ego-maniacal pop-star. He's like a classy party host. Is he bitter that the best he could muster in his first week of CD sales was #10? No. He's a humble beat-boxer from the lilly-white streets of Seattle and he appreciates every last one of us that bought his CD. He managed to find 9-whole seconds during his busy day to shoot a "thank you" video for his fans. And watch ...he didn't even have to check the queue card until the :04-second mark.

He's, like, seriously, one of my new best buddies.

LATEST NEWS FROM BLAKE LEWIS

Thanks from Blake Lewis
"Audio Day Dream" debuted at #10 on the Soundscan Charts, selling 97,500 copies in it's first week! As a result, Blake wanted to make sure to thank all of his fans for their support! Check it out!

Chewbacca

LAUDING: My blog buddy's interview with Chewbacca. Am I shamelessly pimping my other website-slash-blog? You bet yer sweet bippy, I am. spunkybean. Click it. Bookmark it. Add it to your RSS reader.

LAUGHING: Still.

Chuck Norris didn't go to college; college came to him.

Hey ...I like what I like. The Chuck Norris stuff is gold! Comedy gold!

Laughing and Listing

Two posts in a single day? I know ...I'm prolific. Was just laughin' in my car at an interview with Ian Spector, author (use the term loosely) of The Truth About Chuck Norris. The list never ends and never ceases being funny.

Chuck Norris, coincidentally, lives in a round house.

Chuck Norris's calendar goes right from March 31st to April 2nd; nobody fools Chuck Norris.

Again, if you're stumped for gifts to get me ...get me this book. If you aren't exactly looking for Christmas gift ideas, just enjoy. And hit the official site.

Lamenting and Lingering

OVER-INTERACTING: Should I have a MySpace, Facebook, and Friendster account to go with my LinkedIn, Gmail, Yahoo!, and Yahoo! 360 accounts? I'll soon have a new spunkybean email account and spunkybean will be the 4th blog to which I post. Is all this interactivity a "good thing?"

VIEWING: Nothing. I'm bound and determined to start watching 30 Rock. Luckily, I've seen but 2 episodes and I will not lament the re-runs of this show. Other than that, I keep meaning to sit down and diagram my Tivo To-Do list for after the writer's strike.

READING: I'm not kidding when I say I've started 45 books this year and finished two. Two! This certainly says something about my psyche. Something bad. I'm sure of it. I think I'll get a book on psychology and figure it out. I swear I'm going to finish The Mother Tongue - but seeing as how I read a page and a half last night, my hopes are diminishing.

WISHING: For Christmas. Presents big and small. A wallet. Dress shirts. Wood glue. New brown dress shoes. A Nordstrom Rack gift card.

OK ...that last topic was rather cheap and uninspired and mostly for 1-person ...though I've heard of columnists and bloggers getting stuff from fans ...feel free to creep me out by sending me stuff off my wish-list.

WATCHING: My evenings have been relegated to PTI, Oprah, and sports. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I watch this stuff anyway. The problem is, this takes me all of 40 minutes plus the passive watching that goes with sports, and I'm really unfulfilled.

On non-strike nights, I would always have the previous night's The Daily Show and The Colbert Report that both made me laugh, forget the household chores I should be doing, and kept me up-t0-date on current events. I also had the previous night's episodes of Late Night with Conan O'Brien and Jimmy Kimmel Live - both served the purpose of allowing me to oggle the current Hollywood starlets and introduce me to cool, new bands I might not now.

Now I feel I'm losing my grip. Will I have to Tivo Keith Olberman's Countdown? I hear Carson Daly's show is back. No. No. I couldn't possibly have sunk that low. Queen Bean over at spunkybean has some suggestions ...but knowing her, I think we're all just grasping at straws.

Granted, this is the typical December-January dead period. It's why we have 55 college football bowl games, I suppose. Ha! I exaggerate. There's only 32 bowl games. These games take us right through January 7th and then, typically, we have but a week or two until everything's "all new" and Idol begins.

I don't know if there's light at the end of this tunnel, friends. With each passing day, the news on the Writer's Strike worsens, up fronts are canceled, entire projects are shelved and may never be seen (note: as long as my show gets picked up, I'm cool), and I have more things to add to a list separated by commas.

CONCLUDING: My point is this ...I'm bored. And scared. And now it's 7:00am and I've finished my morning prose, so off I go to ready for the work day. 'Til Thursday, my bloggites.

Amazing Race

AMAZING RACE: I can't believe the Dysfunctional-Father-Daughter team won the leg - without a Fast Forward, even. The lack of sleep and pressure of the game is empowering the daughter. All is not lost. She told him to notice how nice people are being and that he should treat her as nice. Nice. He had a mini-melt-down at the mere thought that someone might not give him the whole truth regarding flights, though in the end, he had the last laugh. Not that he's one to laugh.

I've been saying for weeks that I know why Cheating-Boyfriend cheated. I'll say it, again - I know why Cheating Boyfriend Cheated. My Amazing-Race-Watching-Partner didn't entirely agree and pointed out that Cheating-Boyfriend is "pretty mean." Hogwash! She starts the fights. How did rowing a boat turn into, "I hate you" and "you're the worst person ever?" Did the show's directors edit out the part where he called her fat? Seriously? Did I miss something "mean?" I guess its a bad sign if my "watching-partner" and I cannot watch Amazing Race without fighting. How do we ever expect to actually participate in the race?

I want to see underwhelmed couple TK and Rachel win this whole thing just because I think it'll be funny how low-key they'll be at the end. You know you're watching a stoner when you see a guy do a zip line across a half-mile expanse and all he can muster is "whoa" and "this is cool."

Nerd Boy and Issue Girl exposed a little too much of themselves, yesterday. We have our answer. Issue Girl is the daughter of a military man. I should've been playing "guess the root cause of their subversive behavior" every week. I totally could've gotten this one. Vixen's Dad is ex-military. Oh, gawd, how pathetic? Her Dad probably ran the family like a platoon, forced her to call him "sir," applied boot-camp principles to the running of the household, and now she's rebelling - by wearing pink and "dating" the most effeminate, anti-father-figure she can find. Oh, gee. Could it be any more trite? I went from thinking, "these two are OK" to "hahahahahahahhaha ...NERDS!" with that single comment. Now I've got to figure out Nerd Boy's deal? I'm going with "he's a nerd" who feels like he "belongs" in the Goth-alternative community. Like, the acceptance he never got from the jock-cheerleader or preppy-kid set, he feels he's found it in the Goth community. I'm also going to go out on a limb and predict he's among the geekiest Goth-guys, too.

Just a question? Can people in the Goth community ever, truly, get along? Or does every Goth person think all the other Goth people are just posers? In fact, isn't the very fact they're competing on a popular network show entirely ironic? Or are they so Goth and subversive that they're supergoth because they're railing against the Goth code of silence?

Next week, I'll venture to a Goth club and watch Amazing Race to see if there's some crazy watching-party where they support their own-kind. I predict that true Goths don't have the slightest idea what The Amazing Race is or even what CBS television is, for that matter. I also hypothesize I'll get beat-up for the J. Crew stuff and condescending look I'll be wearing. I've included a pre-Goth-phase rendering of Donder and Vixen, (left).

Next week, the Goths fight - SO GOTH! - and Grandpa has a dilemma - though it looked like he was battling a bout of dementia, truth be told. Poor guy ...he's old and his Grandson's a dolt.

Suriving ...Barely

So much to say, so few readers. Oh, wait. So little time. Oh, ye faithful Ego-maniacs, please check back Sunday evening.

Things I'm chewing on . . .

SURVIVOR: Mullet Fu made a grave tactical error. That wasn't Skeleton-Girl's father, I'm convinced. Why were the sisters bird calling? Where's James!?!?!? Oh, that's right. I am sad.

RANKING: My children. I've determined when my three kids are old enough to understand the system, I'm going to rank them each Sunday. They'll have too work hard all week and I'll take independent polling from teachers, friends, and family and then Sunday night they see if they've moved up or down the rankings. My friends have dubbed this the CCS - Child Championship Series. I may even allow neighbor children, schoolmates, and cousins into the rankings to make it more competitive. Hey ...NCAA football can't get it right, I get some time to perfect this. Mainly I think it will motivate my kids to focus each week and make sure they take even mid-major chores or non-conference (non-family) children seriously. Maybe I'll be impressed the neighbor kid mowed my lawn? He could get some #1 votes. I'm just sayin'.

BEANING: And then there's spunkybean. My little baby. It's still in beta mode ..."beta" meaning us figuring out what it is and why people would visit it ...but its a fun side project. Taking time away from the Ego, though.

'Tis all. Have a nice weekend.

A Magic Bean

In the classic story of Jack and the Beanstalk, Jack trades his family's cow for beans. Magic beans. He was supposed to take the cow into town and trade it for bread. Instead Jack met a man who offered something that sounded much better than bread. Magic beans. Beans, Jack was told, that would grow to the sky.

Jack took that deal. A cow for some beans that seemingly had great potential.

It is with this story in mind that I'm trading my cow (DonniEgo) for magic beans ...spunkybean. I, like Jack, met a strange little man on my way to market who promised big things. A big idea. A site that could reach up to the sky. 'Tis our plan. Though unlike Jack, we don't assume our bean will grow to the sky overnight.

spunkybean intends to be "a zesty pop culture stew." We'll take our small, opinionated voices and talk about TV, music, movies, and whatever else seems to perpetuate society's vernacular. We hope you'll like what you read there and check back daily. We hope you share spunkybean with friends, bookmark it, and add it to your RSS reader. We hope you buy spunkybean logo apparel ...though none is available, yet.

I, The Don, also hope you continue to check-in at DonniEgo, too. I'll still be here, writing, every day, but I don't think anyone wants to read my poorly-written, stream-of-conciousness thoughts on everything. I mean ... I do have thoughts on everything, but I'll keep them on this blog.

With that ...I invite you to read my much anticipated review of Blake Lewis's Audio Day Dream. It's at spunkybean.

Here's to magic beans.

Heroes, Hotties, and Hunky,

HEROES: Will the writer who made Hiro a badass and put Adam-slash-Kensai in a 6-foot-under-casket please figure out a way to end the writer's strike. Surely you've got a brilliant solution to this dilemma somewhere in the amazingly creative brain of yours. And when you solve it, don't tell the writer who's in charge of the Quick-Learn Girl's story line.

Last night's episode was 97% awesome and 3% horrible. Yes, I graphed it and broke the entire show into :30 second segments.

The horrible 3% belonged to Power-Boy, Ex-Strong-Chick, and Quick-Learn Chick. I assume the writer assigned to this story is the nephew of a biggetty big NBC network exec. He's some 23-year-old, barely made-it-outta-college guy who insists everyone call him "Boomer." No doubt wears a poncho of some sort and emphasizes everything with the word "stellar." On his first day, the show's creators gave him some loose direction on where the story was going and let him loose. He claimed his major influences to be Michael Bay. Then stopped talking and started writing. What he came up with was a stolen bag of comic books, cousins fighting, kidnappping, jumpy-acrobat fighting scenes, a car chase (albeit brief), and a building on fire and then exploding. He was so stoked when he brought his beat-up yellow legal pad to the weekly writer's meeting and was all, like, "Dudes. I totally worked all Sunday morning on this! We can do nudity, right?"

I guess Ex-Strong-Chick (aka Skitzo-Chick) is dead. Right. This story-line is so unattached to the rest of show. Why?

The other 97% - awesome!

So, Hiro is a badass. Finally, he did something right. Notice how, this time, when he saw Ando, there was no girlish screaming? Yup. He's turned a corner. Hopefully we've seen the last of wide-eyed-optimist Hiro. Of stupid Hiro. And until the writers introduce a hero who's power is digging and feeling tiny vibrations on the Earth's surface (call him, say, Bird Man ...well ...Flightless Bird Man), I think we've seen the last of Adam Monroe. How ironic would it be to write-off a character without killing him while everyone else gets to die and come back? Obviously the Heroes writers have been reading this blog and I appreciate the nod to my problem with dead people never being dead.

Speaking of which ...Flying Brother (not to be confused with Flying Boy) was shot seconds before revealing all their power's to the world. Um ...couldn't he have flown to the podium? I always think you've got to open any speech with a huge attention getter. He was losing that crowd and I'm not sure the guy (or gal) who shot him didn't do so simply to end the boredom. I'd transcribe his opening remarks, but I don't wanna lose the 11 readers I have. Who killed him, you ask? A shadowy figure. I know. Lame. I'm guessing it was his Mom. She seemed really big on this "kill him if necessary" thing. Now, now ...I'm sure some of you will argue otherwise, but I just wanna go on record and call a shot, for once. Ma Patrelli shot once. Twice. Cigarette. Yes, I know.

Shocked there's so many loose ends in a finale? Flying Boy wants his secrets and flew away. Bennet used the worst acting job ever to convince his family he can't be with them. Come on. In all these years he never gave his phony-wife or Claire some code words to pick-up on in the event he's forced to say something or do something he doesn't want to do? Like, call her "Claire Bird" or say "nifty" (a word Bennet would NEVER use) and make sure they don't react in the moment but realize something's a trap or a trick. Hmmm ...I better have a sit-down with my family tonight and come up with code words, too. You can never be too safe. After all ...my power of common sense could save the world.

(whisper) Save the blogger, save the world.

Loose ends, loose ends ...yes, yes. Sylar did a back-alley heroin addict impersonation but, oh that silly, he was just injecting himself with healing blood. And ...he's back!!! Yes! Sahweet! Bring on the Sylar v. Peter cage match!!! Ya know, for all his evilness, I've really missed killing, power-stealing, man-on-a-mission Sylar. Ned Ryerson simply hasn't cut it as a super villain. And what's his deal? Is he powerful? Is he cunning? Is he even a "bad guy?" He's a piss-poor father, that's for sure. Of course, quality parenting isn't exactly a power any of these Heroes possess.

If Sylar takes Pudding-Death-Eye's powers, I think it's all over. I can see saving the cheerleader, but, PLEASE ...hide this chick away. Far away. And keep her happy. Literally ...keep her happy. Don't make her angry ...you wouldn't like her when she's angry.

So, that's it. Nothing until 2008 and, if the writers don't figure stuff out, it may be limited awesomeness. Next week I'll post an open letter to the writers and TV execs. Not exactly a new bit, but certainly something you can copy&paste and forward to all your friends, right? Maybe my power of stern letter-writing will reveal itself to me.

HOTTIES: When I first saw the blonds I thought, "Nice." As I'm apt to do when I see attractive blond women. These blond women appeared proud of their superior looks, their fashion sense, and their manicures. Manicures?!?!? Like ...real, sit-in-a-chair, soak your feet-type manicures?!?!?!? Oh, snap! "How are women so beautiful and privileged going to slum with the rest of these middle-class to poor amazing racers," I thought. I mean ...manicures??!?! Do the blonds even need a million dollars?

Despite being really, really good looking, they were surprisingly inept. I know? Usually good-looking folk are also very smart - especially blond women.

Am I gonna get on Amazing Race chat rooms today and argue with my fellow Amazing Race show fans that their use of the U-Turn has nothing to do with karma and their demise? Will I slam cptavg1981 for making snide sexist comments about the blonds. Well, hell yeah I will. Someone needs to defend the one good move they made - that being their use of the U-Turn for those unable to follow my pronoun flooded prose.

Reminds me of a joke. What do you get when you have two blonds trying to read a map, count fence posts, and book airline travel? Oh ...I'm laughing already. This is a good one. You get kicked off Amazing Race.

Crap. That was funnier in my head.

These aren't the only annoying blonds on the Amazing Race this year. The Cheated-On-Girl is annoying, too. I can TOTALLY see why her boyfriend cheated on her. Why couldn't she shut the hell up when he was counting fence posts? Good gawd!

The loyal daughter decided to say "I love you Daddy" 100-times a day to change him. And Bad Dad doesn't like to say "I love you." He has no problem singing on TV, butchering the lyrics, talking about his hernia, embarrassing himself with his asinine comments, hypocritedness, and misplaced passions, but saying "I love you" to his daughter!?!?! No way. I want this team gone. No I don't.

Next week Cheated-On-Blond gets even more pissy and I think they bring the "other girl" onto the show for a Springer moment.

HUNKY: Blake Lewis's CD is jammin' on my iTunes player right now. I can hardly type for all the dancing and bopping I'm doing. My initial take ...there's beat-boxing, catchy beats, average singing, and it sounds like lots of other stuff out there - perfect for me and the teeny boppers of these here United States. Will I be reviewing it on this blog? Oh, goodness no. It'll be on spunkybean.com, baby!

More on spunkybean and Blake Lewis, tomorrow, my Claire-birds. It'll be nifty.