Wednesday, March 28, 2007

American Idol

I gotta get this recap done. I think my blog is about to hit the "big time!" I suckered some other blogger to link my "American Idol" recaps to his blog. We have a great arrangement. A-Nickel-for-the-Swear-Jar talks about every other show on TV ...I talk about this one.

LAKISHA - Kicked off the night in grand fashion. No point in belaboring the fact, but the girl can sing. Period. And she's losing so much weight, she's starting to become legitimately attractive. I voted for her. Hopefully she doesn't suffer from what I call the "first forgotten performer effect." Meaning, the singer that goes first, many times, ends up in the bottom 3. Watch it. It happens. BACK-UP-SINGER-GUY-WITH-AFRO was first performer - he got booted. SHORT-HAIRED-BLACK-GIRL went first or second, last week ...and she's gone. It's a real phenomenon.

NOTE TO A.I. PRODUCERS: Put Sanjay first, next week!!!

FAT-SIDESHOW BOB - Normally, I don't get on people about their weight cuz, hey, we're all fat. However, if you want to be famous, sell records, and you want to appear on magazine covers - which I'll assume is why you tried-out in the first place - you had better know what "sells." Fat don't sell. If you think about it, this guy knew he was going to be here before Christmas. All the try-outs were done and he was already in the top-24. He knew he could sing ...couldn't he have started mixing in 100 ounces of water every day and cut his carbs? Yes. Hey ...he showed us his wedding photo ...he actually had a chin at one point. A guy this overweight could've easily cut 30 pounds since Jan 1. Look at LAKISHA and many past contestants (McPHEE, CLARKSON). They went to Hollywood and Hollywoodized their bodies and their looks. Hell ...even Aiken tried to hide those ears ala Baby New Year and he mussed-up his hair. Sadly, FAT-SIDESHOW ain't gonna make it. He butchered a The Police classic because he has no "soul" and he just ain't trying to make himself a pop-star.

RED-HAIR-ROCKER-CHICK: Good. Very good. She'll be back next week. Every week she gets voted through, the chances I'll get to see her in Playboy drop and drop. Hey ...there's always FHM and Maxim, right? Bascially, she can't make the top 5 or I'm outta luck. If she's reading this: next week ...dress more slutty.

SANJAY'S HAIR: Awful. Horrible. Everyone knows it. So does he. It's gonna make this show a joke if he wins ...but still be awfully funny. I hope he goes first, next week (see LAKISHA). Get used to seeing him. He's this year's William Hung.

DOOLITTE: Yeah, yeah, yeah. She sings great. Has no neck. Acts surprised she's getting compliments. Owns the songs she sings. Makes them her own. Sings Donna Summers with the greatest of ease. I like her "shtick" better than the look-at-my-hair-shtick or the look-at-my-super-hot-legs-shtick of some other contestants. OK ...I actually really like the look-at-my-legs-shtick. Basically, Doolittle ain't goin' home this week, but as Simon is known to say ..."forgettable."

JUSTIN #1 (BEAT-BOXIN-JUSTIN): This week, he became a part of my consciousness and I know his name. Henceforth, he will be referred to as "Blake" in my reviews. His performance last night of The Cure's "Love Song" was great - Paula doesn't need to know that he actually did an exact version of 311's version from the "50 First Dates" soundtrack. I just want to on record with Blake in saying, "you didn't fool me." However, you fooled my wife, Paula, Simon, and probably Randy - unless any of the member's of Journey work with 311 - and 95% of America. They're all thinking, "wow ...look how he remixed that goth-80s hit to sound all edgy-reggae-two-thousand-and-sevenny." 311 already did that ...but credit him for not messin' with an already good remake. Just like the Jamiroquai jam he did. I mean, I love Jamiroquai, but 95% of Americans really don't know who he is. So when he covers these tunes he sounds original. I give him props. Oh, and do you think Fox will really give him trouble for singing two words from that No Doubt song?

HOTLEGS McLEGERSON: She was so bad this week, I actually heard her singing over her legs. For her, that's bad. She needs to keep her singing average-to-marginal and insist the camera and lighting highlight her legs. In fact, is it within the rules for her to simply strut around on stage to a musical number, sanz words. Legs.

BALD GUY: Sometimes contestants try and cover classics and crash n burn. Most times, in fact. Bald Guy would do well to cover Michael Bolton every show that he can. Last night he sounded like Michael Bolton covering The Police's "Every Breath You Take." *sigh* I have to give credit where credit is due though ...he was decent. But my analysis stands ...he should approach every performance from this point forward by asking himself, "how would Bolton sing this." You have to admit, Bolton has done alright for himself. 40something and 50something women love him. If Bald Guy can capture the Bolton-Fan vote, he'll win.

LINEBACKER GIRL: She made a non-vocal song good. I like her. If she could just shrink a little, she'd go from "nice looking for a big girl" to "darn cute." Are there any really tall female pop stars? If you know of any, leave them in Comments. Thanks. Linebacker was good, though. Even Gwen Stefani said that. She took a song that nobody should sing in a singing competition - because its more about the reggae-beat-dancability - and sang it. How do you spell "dancability" anyway? I like her. I hope she's back.

JUSTIN #2 (NON-BEAT-BOXING JUSTIN): Unfortunately, by the time he sang, I think we (America) were pretty much tired of Donna Summer or No Doubt songs. So when he fired up with "Don't Speak" he was pretty much passed with Tivo. He was in my house. I think he falls into the category of you don't hate him, but you don't LOVE him, so he's gotta hope his family and friends really hit the phones and text messaging. There are American Idol contestants who make fans and grow their fan base every week and their votes grow and grow - Lakisha, Fantasia, Underwood.

Then there are the Justin #2s who probably get the same 120 votes every week - from Grandma, her bridge club, his cousins (the girl cousins), all the teachers he ever had, his ex-boss, and his brother's kids. You see where I'm going? They have good fan bases based on who they are, the lives they've touched, and where they live - you can probably always count on your home-town to vote for you. But these contestants can't get Donniego and his wife in a Detroit subburb to vote for them. They just can't. Not when this lovely couple is already voting for Blake, Lakisha, and Legsy Legenstein.

My revised predictions have Doolittle beating out Lakisha, but Blake (now that I know his name) could make a run. Never, ever, ever discount white-suburban-teen-America ...and they'll be voting for Blake.


Myndi said...

OK, so we all knew Sanjaya was going nowhere. I am completely fine with Sligh going. When you peak with your first quip ("I want to make Hasslehoff cry"--and who doesn't?), you're toast. Also? He was thisclose to passing out on stage. As was Phil, who looks ready to succumb to whatever it is he has at any second.

I am loving Mindy Doo, Lakisha, Blake(311 rip not withstanding) and Jordin. Tall Pop stars? Isn't Whitney kinda tall? She was a model...

Matt Christopherson said...

I agree about the Blake thing. Everyone thinks he is original but he does bad covers of bands who do covers. I like how he sounds original, but if you know 311, jamiriqi (however you spell it) and the others he is just coping them.

Don said...

YES!!! Two readers. Thanks, guys!