American Idol

Here is my recap of American Idol from March 20th, 2007. My favorite show.

I have many opinions on American Idol. I'll share one.

What does it say about our society that "Dancing With the Stars" and "American Idol" dominate the ratings? Do you really wanna know? It shows that America still loves a "variety show."

Think about it. What's the difference between the The Carol Burnette Show, The Sonny & Cher Hour, Donnie & Marie, or even Lawrence Welk and "American Idol" and/or "Dancing with the Stars?" All those old variety shows featured witty banter (Randy, Paula, Ryan, Simon), singing (AI), and dancing (Stars). The masses - which includes your's truly - feel we're above the old cheeze fests ...but actually ...we aren't. It's the same show just dressed up as a "competition" so we think we're better than we were 30 years ago. American Idol even goes so far as to bring marginal "stars" back to sing, promote a new CD, and engage in "sketches" - don't believe me ...check the dialogue between Peter Noone and Ryan in regards to Simon Cowell. Sonny Bono and Terry Bradshaw have nothing on these two. Would you rather see David Hasselhoff sitting in the audience (crying) or would you rather see him in a bad-not-funny Knight Rider or Baywatch sketch? Bottom line ...it's the same cheese on a different platter.

So ...last night. What happened?

HOT LEGGY CHICK. Wow! I guess she was singing. Not sure. I only remember a hot chick in Daisy Dukes strutting around the stage. She's through to next week. "Hotness" has its privileges. I voted for her ...148 times.

SHORT HAIRED BLACK GIRL. To quote Simon ..."forgettable." I know the tall black boots looked horrible with her aqua dress and there's no way she'll win.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE #1 (AKA NON-BEAT-BOXING-JUSTIN): Pretty good. Where'd he get that sweater? Randy liked him.

BALD GUY: He shouted another song at me. I didn't recognize the song. He was doing a Bo Bice meets Daughtry impersonation.

LAKISHA: I actually know her name. She's from Michigan. She was wearing $1million in diamonds ...wow! I only kinda knew the song, but she was awesome. The judges weren't overwhelmed and said she lost her "Lakisha" ...well ...what do you expect when you take a black woman from a forgotten industrial town like Flint with more soul in her pinky toe than in Clay Aikin's entire body, and ask her to sing some white-bread, soulless, 60s era British pop? Seriously! She is working hard, man! I can tell she's losing weight. She was awesome, anyway.

SANJAY'S HAIR: Was he wearing Michael Jackson gloves? Was a pre-teen girl crying because she loves him so much? Could Sanjay suck more? Whoa! Did you see his sister's tits? I'll vote for him just for more shots of his sister. YOWZA!

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE #2 (AKA BEAT-BOXING JUSTIN): Very good. He sounds a little bit like Morrisey. He does. You don't have to admit it, but he does. And he's a showman. I think Simon wants him to win. Simon could use a male pop-star in the mix. This was a great performance.

LINEBACKER GIRL: She's only 17. But, DAMN ...can she sing, or what?!?!?!?! 17 year olds have a tough time making anyone believe they've had that kinda heartache, but she was coached up very well by that Tulula chick. Linebacker was very, very good. I'd vote for her.

SIDESHOW BOB: Lose some weight or cut-out the walking around and stair climbing. I could tell he was outta breath. Very good voice. Very confident and self-aware. Could go far. Tough to say. He'll host American Idol when Seacrest finally quits. Just my prediction.

RED-HAIR ROCKER-CHICK: Quick ...kick her off so I can see her in Playboy. She's good, I guess. OK ...she's not. But she has a pierced tongue and you know what they say about girls with pierced tongues, right? OK ...me neither. But its kinda slutty and that's cool. She'll be back for at least one more week.

MELINDA DOOLITTE: Another one so good I actually learned and remembered her name. If this was the 60s or 70s, she'd already be a star. Meaning, nowadays you can't just sound incredible, you have to kinda look good, too. She just doesn't. Great, great voice. Great, great showmanship. I love her. I might even buy her CD if she redid some classics. But if she wins (which she won't) she'll have a tough time sellin' albums, ala Taylor Hicks. I'm just sayin'.

I still think the winner of this season is going to be a black woman. I'm not going out on a limb, I know. But I gotta call my shot. The two Timberlakes and Sanjay are gonna split the white-teen-suburbanite vote and pave the way for Lakisha ...I love her. She's still my clubhouse leader.